Eien no seikatsu
by WildButterflies
Summary: A goddess bound to human form in a world ruled by gods, demons, and humans. She is cursed to live again and again. Will she become a savior for humanity or will she wilt under the curse? Ken/Kao Rated M for future chapters. AU Possible violence and trigger warnings. (So a lot of you are likely wondering what's going on? Where's the rest? It's under rewrite. Chapter 2 of 11 up)
1. Chapter 1

In the beginning there was a land called Tokugawa. Tokugawa was a dark and cold place populated by gods, demons, animals, and humans. The most powerful of the gods were two sisters that were neither good nor evil. They called themselves Ryōmen. Ryōmen decided that a place so dark needed light and created the stars, sun, and moon before falling into a deep sleep. The gods built a shrine around the Ryōmen. Years passed, and they awoke to a new world. They explored the world together until one of the sisters fell in love with a human named Akira. She then gave herself the new name of Tomoe and abandoned her sister for her love. Her sister's heart broke in two and so she declared she had neither name nor sister before disappearing.

Tomoe was sorrowful but in time she thought less and less of her beloved sister. Tomoe and Akira lived peaceful lives until his family realized she wasn't as human as she seemed. This was considered a crime against their family lineage as well as their species. For the lines must remain pure in the species. So, the family reported what had happened to the land's king. They came to the bargain of their son's life in exchange for the stain on their family name to remain unknown. They waited for Tomoe to leave to gather food for supper before sending their weapon to murder him.

Tomoe returned home only to find his dead body. She cried over him for three days before murdering his family and traveling to the underworld. She then seized control of the underworld and declared herself queen. Queen Tomoe would decide who was worthy of passing through the underworld to heaven and how to punish those that were unworthy. Her bias against humans soon became apparent as none were allowed into heaven. After a while a goddess dressed in mourning clothes begged Queen Tomoe to judge humans fairly as not all of them were bad. Queen Tomoe couldn't place her finger on why this goddess seemed vaguely familiar.

The Queen agreed on the terms that the goddess would suffer in the place of those that would pass to heaven. She would live many lives as a human. Each of them would begin with only the worst conditions and each time she must make what she will of her life. When each life ends, she must still consider humans to be worthy of saving. If she changes her mind, then she will become herself again and the Queen will not be bothered with such foolishness again. The goddess fell to the floor in grief and asked if the queen truly hated her as much as she did the humans.

Queen Tomoe ignored her feelings that this goddess was familiar to her and told the goddess that if she were to be unwilling to make such a sacrifice, then it would stand to reason that the humans are truly unworthy of being in heaven. The goddess stared at the queen before she requested a few of her own terms. She would regain her memories at some point in those lives, be allowed to rest should her soul come close to shattering and keep her power even if most of it were locked inside her soul. Queen Tomoe agreed, and they sliced their palms to trade blood for their contract to be permanent. The Queen asked the goddess what she should be referred to as. The goddess gave her a tearful smile before telling her she had neither sister nor name. It was that moment that Queen Tomoe realized that this goddess was her missing sister that she had not recognized because of the hatred in her heart. She stared at her sister for a long moment before telling her that her name would be Sacrifice because she was a sacrifice to her hatred. The blood contract was in effect, and she had condemned her beloved sister.

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Kaoru always sees the most beautiful colors, and some of the ugliest, with each person she meets. Her father's colors are like most only more kind. Occasionally, they shift to something splintered with grief. She watches as they slowly fade into new colors before pulsing to another color. "Come on Kaoru, hurry up. We have to go to the market for rice today."

Hurriedly, she blinks to clear the sensation of double-vision and tries to focus on her father's face. His face is set into stern lines, but she can see his eyes dancing in amusement. "Coming Otou-san!" Her father, Koshijirou, smiles at her fondly as she runs to catch up with him. "Were you planning on staring at me until I left you behind?" Exasperated fondness coats his words. Sneakily, she glances at him out of the corner of her eye only to grin sheepishly when he catches her.

It's really not her fault. The shifting colors are mesmerizing. Even now, she's struggling to see his face instead of his colors. Kaoru fiddles with her fingers as she mutters. "I just like watching people." A snort is how he replies to her at first. "That is the creepiest thing I've ever heard you say." She glares at him in mock outrage and slips back into seeing colors. "Really? That's the creepiest thing you've ever heard me say?"

Kaoru impishly grins at him. "How about I promise to cook for the next week?" The colors of pure horror flash and she feels justified. Her father speaks in his most haughty voice that doesn't quite hide the horror. "It would be an honor to eat food prepared by my daughter." This time, Kaoru is the one who snorts. "Liar."

They walk in companionable silence until Koshijirou breaks it. "I wish my wife could have met you. I think she would have been proud to call you daughter." There it is. The hair-thin black lines lurking under his colors. She can only see them when his colors are still with grief. Grief is the strangest to see since it's almost translucent and paralyzes everything underneath it in an overwhelming display.

Kaoru shudders and looks away from the lines. She has the feeling those lines are signs of splintering, but she doesn't know for sure. Whatever they mean, it's not something good. "I wish I could have met her too." Things fall back to silence. The wind tugs at their clothes as they continue to walk the winding dirt path to the market.

Mostly, the vendors there sell food and a few trinkets. Occasionally, a traveling salesman is there with goods that are exotic to their small corner of the world. Today there aren't many open. Kaoru smiles in delight at the sight of her favorite vendor and waves excitedly. "Hello there Kaoru-chan." Instead of responding, she grins and tugs her father to his stall. He shares an amused look with her father before putting his most serious face on.

"Now Kaoru-chan, I have an important job for you. I seem to have made far too many mochi today and need help eating them." The vendor motions to the display of mochi. "Would you grant me the honor of having your assistance today?" Wide, awestruck eyes look over the assortment before looking up at him hopefully. "Red bean?"

The vendor grins as he grandly passes one to her, and her father begins bargaining for rice. Kaoru savors every bite of the sweet mochi. This is why he's her favorite vendor. This man always asks children to help him eat his overstock of mochi. Somehow, he has an overstock every time a child comes to his stall and she doubts it's a coincidence.

A few women walk by as they gossip in hushed voices. "You know the soldiers are supposed to be here tomorrow." "Why would they bother coming here? There are no mixed bloods or demons here…" Kaoru doesn't turn to look at them but freezes at the sight of the vendor's colors. Terror and determination are a strange combination.

She doesn't see her father's colors. Koshijirou only sees the man's eyes as they track the gossips' movement. They flash gold and Koshijirou's blood runs cold. Gold eyes is a well-known sign that marks the presence of demonic blood. It takes him a moment to collect himself and resist the urge to rip the mochi from his daughter's fingers. Relax, he tells himself.

He sternly forces himself to smile and behave as he normally would. If the women are right, the soldiers will be here tomorrow. He'll make sure his daughter is safe from this man then. Until then… Well, none of the other children show signs of illness after eating the mochi. Kaoru should be safe. No, she will be safe. For a year, he's been near this corrupted thing that's been giving his daughter mochi.

Kaoru remains oblivious to his reaction, instead focusing on different things for sale. Something for which he is grateful. Vaguely planning, he purchases their necessities without paying too much attention to her chattering until it stops. Koshijirou's head whips around and panic bubbles up in his throat. Where is she? "Kao-" He cuts himself off when he catches a glimpse of her on the other side of the vendor's stall staring at a ribbon display.

Kaoru's eyes are wide and her mouth trembles as she stares at them. He struggles to place her reaction even while scolding her. "Kaoru, you're not supposed to wander off like that. If you wanted a ribbon, you should have said something." She exhales shakily, and his eyes dart to her half eaten mochi on the ground before searching her face. "I'm sorry Otou-san, I'm not hungry anymore. Can-" Her eyes dart to the ribbons again. "Can we go home now?"

Koshijirou takes in her pale face, trembling fingers, and shaky breathing before glancing at the vendor. Could he have worked some sort of magic on her? Only, the vendor looks concerned too and comes from behind his stall to look at her more closely. "Did the mochi make you sick? Was it a bad batch? I'm so sorry I could have sworn I tested one earlier and they tasted fine-" She cuts off his panicked apology. "It was really good Heizo-san. I just- I'm not feeling good."

The demon seems genuine and he can understand why so many people become attached to them. Koshijirou's eyes narrow as he looks for any signs of that thing, that dared masquerade as a man, bewitching his daughter. The vendor looks at a loss for only a moment, before taking a ribbon and presenting it to Kaoru with an overly dramatic flourish. "My lady, I can't help but feel responsible. Perhaps you could do me a great favor and lighten my guilt by taking this token?"

The look on her face is a strange combination of having been offered the world and a heartbroken grief, but she takes the ribbon with shaking fingers. "Thank you, Heizo-san." Koshijirou pastes on a smile and begins walking home with Kaoru. After he deigns them far enough from the village, he sets their goods to the side before drawing Kaoru close.

"What happened back there?" She stares at the ground and opens her mouth for a moment before closing it again. If that thing harmed her then Koshijirou would have his head. "I can't remember life before you adopted me, but when I saw the ribbons…" Her voice trails off as she stares at the ribbon twisted between her fingers. "I feel happy, but like I've lost something important." Large blue eyes seem to bore into his soul and will him to understand.

He doesn't ask any more questions of her, and they walk in silence to their home. That night, he hears soldiers marching past their door in the direction of the village and goes out to meet them. Koshijirou will protect his last daughter with everything in him.

A few days later finds them in the marketplace again, but this time Kaoru shrieks in horror. Her favorite vendor's wrists are tied to a pole in the center. He lies still on the ground, covered in blood and open wounds. The soldiers chuckle when Koshijirou holds her back from the man. One speaks out.

"You know, all of the children reacted like that. I heard he was giving them mochi. What do you bet he was trying to fatten them up before eating them?" The others laugh at his joke. His joke is awful, and why were they laughing? Kaoru looks back at her father for an answer only to see his colors are satisfied like the soldiers.

"Otou-san…. Why? Why are they doing this?" He smiles sadly at her. "That man has the blood of demons in his veins. Demons are evil. So, they must see if he knows where others are and take him away." Evil? She's seen a lot of things, but Heizo-san's colors have never been malicious or cruel.

Kaoru stops struggling to stare at the man's colors. Sorrow, anger, resignation, and determination color his unmoving form. A lot of people have colors like that, and she doesn't understand what he's trying to say. "What makes them evil?" Otou-san's face grew grim and his lips are white from being pressed into a firm line.

"They have no souls Kaoru. Things without souls are evil. They're not people. They look like people, but they're not like us. Do you understand?" Her father's colors weren't cruel, angry, or hateful like the words were. Maybe he doesn't understand because he can't see the colors.

Desperately, she tries to make him understand. "But…. Otou-san… His colors and shape look like everyone else's." Otou-san gives her a stern look. "Kaoru, a person's skin doesn't determine their humanity. Besides those things can look like anyone." He doesn't understand what she's saying to him. "Not those colors. The colors that are inside here."

She places her hand over his heart. "He's sad Otou-san." The color of horror spreads like an ink stain. Koshijirou speaks through numb lips. "Kaoru, what do you mean?" He stares into her determined eyes as she tries to explain. "Everyone has colors, and his looks like everyone else's. He is the same. We are the same."

All this time, he had thought his daughter human. No. She had been tested when he took her in, and every test showed her to be human. He can't- he can't think about this right now. Koshijirou can't afford to let the soldiers know anything is wrong. He can't allow them to think he's sympathetic to the vendor. Or worse. They'll think his daughter is one of them.

The soldiers don't appear to have heard the details of what Kaoru said. He glances at the vendor and has to repress a cringe when he sees the man's eyes are focused on him. No. They're focused on his daughter in something that looks like awe, and it's like the air has been sucked from his lungs. Act normal. "She's just having a hard time. We thought he was trustworthy and even viewed him as part of the family. It's just difficult for her right now. I'll make her understand." A soldier nods in amusement. "We all go through that phase at one point. She just needs time."

Koshijirou drags Kaoru back and ignores her kicking, screaming, and pleading. However, try as he might, he cannot escape the look on her face. The look that says she just realized her father was a monster. He numbly closes the door to her room and listens to her screaming until she falls asleep. Only then, does he allow himself to realize what she said.

It can't be true but…. What if it is true? What if everything he knew was built on a lie of demons being at fault for everything from crop failure to harsh patrols? He kneels in the dojo until there's only moonlight reflecting from the blades on the rack. "Otou-san?" Koshijirou hears her whisper and almost wonders when she sat across from him. Instead, he watches her eyes as she stares hard at him and he thinks of how she talked of colors.

Kaoru reaches out as though to hug him, and he almost giddily reaches forward in his relief. He didn't mess everything up. His daughter doesn't hate him. Koshijirou presses his face to her hair and flinches when he feels an odd searching feeling. What? He closes his eyes trying to orient himself and suddenly realizes that he's seeing flashes of colors walk by in a village.

'This is what I see.' Kaoru's voice is distant, and he can only stare at her memories with a growing sense of horror. All the same. Different shades and brightness, but all the same. Oh Kami, what has he done? All his life he had considered himself to be a champion of people. He had even created a sword style meant for the protection of life, and yet- And yet, he had utterly failed them.

Kaoru watches in horror. All she had wanted was to make him understand, and somehow, she had messed up. Her strong Otou-san stares off into space murmuring the same words. "What have I done?" She places her hands on his face and tries to will him to see her. "Otou-san. Otou-san look at me please. We can fix it."

Hazy eyes focused on her for a moment. Fix it? Koshijirou shakes his head slowly and pulls away from her slowly. Kaoru watches the thin black lines become bolder under the weight of despair. She doesn't protest even as he locks himself in a room. Instead, she stares at the ribbon Heizo-san gave her. Wrapping it around her fingers, she thinks over what she said. We can fix it.

Otou-san once told her that one needs to be strong for those who need them. He can't be strong right now and neither can Heizo-san. The ribbon snags on her calluses. Years of practice have made her strong and fast. Strong enough to take on a soldier? Probably not, but she can be fast. She ties her hair into a ponytail with the ribbon and grabs her bokken. Kaoru will be strong for him.


	2. Chapter 2

It had seemed like a much better idea before walking to the village square. Heizo is laying still on the ground, and there's only one soldier watching him. She would have formed a different plan, but the soldier's colors are flashing between impatience and longing. His colors and the way he keeps glancing back at an izakaya. Finally, after an hour of waiting, the soldier kicks Heizo-san in the ribs before walking inside the izakaya.

Kaoru grits her teeth instead of screaming and beating him with her bokken. One must have patience in life and art, her father had told her. So she watches his colors until they become stationary and makes her move. Keeping to the shadows, she creeps closer to Heizo. A glance at the soldier's colors proves him to still lurking in a corner, so she runs to him and starts pulling at the knots.

It would be a lot more difficult for her to untie the knots if her father hadn't shown her how to properly tie knots as part of her swordsmanship. However, it's still difficult to untie them in the dark. She almost thanks the gods when the last knot comes free but pulls at Heizo instead. "Kaoru-chan?" He blinks at her hazily, and she feels transfixed by his gold eyes. They glow like a cat's at night, she thinks. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the soldier's colors move.

"Come on. Come on." She hisses the words at him, and he shakily stands. Her eyes dart to the alleys until she determines the darkest route. The soldier is close to the exit when Heizo stumbles into the darkness with her. Heizo's colors are disoriented, but he starts to turn to look behind them when she tries to press thoughts to him. 'Don't look back.' She thinks. 'They'll see your eyes glow.'

Her thoughts seem to snap him awake and the haze clears from his eyes. Kaoru bites back a shriek when he throws her over his shoulder and runs towards the forest. Now that the danger has passed, her fingers are starting to tremble and her knees feel weak. Heizo runs faster when the shouts of alarm start and she finds it hard to breath while being bounced like a sack of potatoes. At least his shoulder isn't bony, she thinks. How is it possible for anyone to run this fast?

Eventually, Heizo collapses to the ground with trembling limbs. "Kaoru-chan?" Kaoru looks over from her spot on the forest floor and Heizo groans pitifully. "I think I died. Am I dead?" His colors do seem rather exhausted and reflect pain. Suddenly, Kaoru is struck with the reality of the situation. She snuck out of her house and freed a prisoner from the king's army. Her Otou-san may murder her.

"You're not dead, but I hope you know what to do next." He throws his arm over his eyes, and Kaoru feels a pang of loss the absence of gold eyes. It's strange because she doesn't want to see his eyes specifically. It just feels like that moment with the ribbon at his stall, and she shoves it down instead of focusing on it. She needs to focus on here and now.

"Alright, so my adopted kids are safe right now. However, I can't go to them because I might risk leading the soldiers to them. I need to go somewhere they won't expect, and you need to go home." Kaoru blinks slowly at him as an idea occurs to her. "...Or we could both go to my home." He starts to sit up and she cuts him off before he can start. "My father turned you in, so they wouldn't expect you to be there."

She doesn't allow him to argue with her over it. Instead she grabs his hand and pulls him along. It's probably a testament to his exhaustion that he doesn't put up a fight. Her father is waiting on the porch when they arrive. She can tell the moment he sees Heizo. His colors freeze, and he drops into a bow, pressing his forehead to the wood. "I- I apologize for what I've done."

Heizo is frozen in shock only for a moment before he responds. "I think we should start over with a clean slate. I figure your Kaoru has done the hard part so why don't we move on?" Kaoru watches her father eagerly, watching the black lines thin out a bit. Koshijirou stands before bowing respectfully to Heizo. When Heizo mentions his children, an idea sparks in his head. "Why don't you come inside, and we'll discuss a proposition I have for you."

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At night she dreams of a city that looks as though it's been torn apart. It's walls and buildings are naught, but ash covered rubble. There are bleached white bones showing through the ash and outlines of figures burned onto the walls that still stood. It looks as though people died unaware of the impending danger. The moon is dyed red and seems so much larger than usual. There are cloaked figures checking the houses that are still partly standing.

Her vision blurs for a moment but then she's being held to a woman's chest. The figures stalk closer to their hiding place and she can feel the woman's shaking fingers digging into her skin. She runs into the ruined streets when the figures come too close, and Kaoru stares at them over the woman's shoulder. It's a short moment before they're seen. A shout of alarm follows and the figures chase the woman. The ruins echo with cruel laughter born from joy of the hunt. Spells and arrows fly at the woman, but they seem to hit against something solid before deflecting.

The woman is chanting under her breath, and the figures go the wrong way after she makes a few sudden turns. She gives Kaoru a light squeeze before setting her on the ground. Her eyes dark with grief as she pricks her finger and draws a symbol on Kaoru's forehead. Kaoru is standing on the ground when the woman presses their foreheads together and a rough sob escapes her. The woman whispers, before pushing her inside a crevice of a partially standing stone wall, "Make no sound, and do not be seen while I draw them away." She choked on a sob. "I'm so sorry to leave you this way. So sorry. May we meet again in the next life."

The woman runs back into the street after running her fingers through Kaoru's hair, and she watches the figures run after the woman again. Her clothes feel warm and wet on her side. Kaoru looks down to see her clothes soaked in blood, and she is uninjured. Tears burn in her eyes as she stares at the blood. A snapping of bone echoes through the ruins, and she slowly looks up only to see burning gold eyes and a bloodsoaked sword. She jerks awake at that point with her heart racing from fear, and her chest aching with grief. Kaoru has a feeling that she has never seen the end of that dream and she isn't sure she wants to know how it ends.

She stares at the ceiling, without moving from her futon, for a long moment. The soft blue lights that floated in lazy small circles on the ceiling could be mistaken for fireflies. They will turn a soft green before becoming bright yellow when the sun rises outside of these tunnels in accordance with the dojo's spells. The Kamiya Dojo exists in the tunnels under Tokyo and provides temporary shelter to abandoned and orphaned children.

These children are all that's left of the bloodlines that once populated the country. The ruler of Tokugawa was overthrown years ago, and a man called Takeda Kanryū took over. At first it seemed anyone would be an improvement over the previous ruler. Kanryū soon proved that to be worse than they could have imagined.

His first action was to cleanse his country of what he considered to be impure bloodlines while improving military strength. This meant those that had gods in their lineage would be pressed into military service, and those with demonic lineage would be executed with few exceptions. Anyone who showed a hint of magic would be taken for evaluation. If their abilities weren't useful, and they were of pure lineage, then they would be allowed to go home.

Children often show the most talent early on which often led to them being abandoned for fear of what would happen to the family should the child be traced back to them. After all, an impure bloodline doesn't stop at the child. Fear and ignorance is a breeding ground for bad situations. Within the first year of the new king, superstitions led several families to abandoning their children for things like having a birthmark. The king's army will usually send the falsely identified children back home only for those children to find their families are too afraid to take them back.

Orphans are usually smuggled through her dojo every few weeks. All of them have at least a drop of other blood in their veins, and it was well known that only those with other blood could have magic traits. Kaoru is an oddity in this. She can see a person's soul with their shifting emotions as well as a few other things, and yet has only human blood. This is something that remains unknown to anyone in this world. Even her orphans have no knowledge of this. For others to know would only put them at greater risk. The Tokugawa regime will always be able to find children of mixed blood, but there has never been a completely pure-blooded human able to wield magic. The soft lights dancing around the ceiling pulsed before changing to a soft green. Only a few more moments before the other Kamiya Dojo residents woke up.

The shoji shudders as a loud banging resonated through her room. She is almost across the room with her bokken in her hand and running evacuation procedures in her mind before she processes Yahiko's screeching. "Oi, busu, wake up! It's not like you've got a chance to get beautiful from sleeping in!" He's gone as soon as she snarls his name. She angrily rakes her fingers through her hair before tying it off in a ponytail in a series of jerky movements. He may have escaped her wrath for now, but Yahiko will get what he deserves in training today. Oh yes, there will be plans for Yahiko-chan.

She's already discarded a dozen revenge plots for him by the time she finishes pulling on her hakama and gi. Kaoru resists the urge to slam open the shoji and stalks through the tunnels with a wicked grin on her face. Perhaps what Yahiko needed was to clean the dojo floor until he could see his reflection. Of course, that would have to wait until after she had him clean the chicken coop. Oh yes, he'll think twice before waking her up like that again. She runs her fingers along the smooth tunnel walls on her way to the main room.

These tunnels had once been escape tunnels underneath the old city before it was reduced to rubble during one of the wars a few hundred years ago. The people that rebuilt it hadn't been aware of the tunnels buried underneath the foundations of the city. Or, perhaps they merely hadn't cared as they built a new foundation over them? Years ago, her Otou-san had cleared the tunnels of debris and rubble from where they had started to collapse in several places. "Can you see it Kaoru? This place will be where we teach the Kamiya Kasshin style. We'll save the children and give them the ability to wield the sword that protects. One day our peoples will live in peace and we'll give them the tools to do so. The tools to protect the innocents." She could still remember how excited he was.

They built hidden entrances through the foundation and into the walls of the buildings above. Her father developed relations with the Sekihōtai, a group that smuggled the children out of the city and referred to his tunnels as the Orphanage. Right up until Sozo Sagara, the captain of the Sekihōtai, told him it may as well be a dojo with how he was insisting on teaching every child. Her father had stroked his chin and narrowed his eyes in an attempt to look wise beyond his years, but his mischievous grin gave him away. "Kamiya Dojo has a certain ring to it doesn't it?" Her favorite stall vendor, Ogawa Heizo, set up a tented stall in front of one of their hidden entrances to use as a front for their smuggling. Her father had hit it off with Heizo after Kaoru had helped him escape the king's soldiers what seemed like a lifetime ago. He had been trying to hide his adopted children by moving frequently, and the children were moved into the dojo with the understanding that Heizo could visit whenever he pleased.

Heizo would try to visit his children every week or two. He would bring news to the children about how things were going in the city and he would bring children that he found wandering the streets to Kaoru's father. On the days her father visited him, he would send back a bag of candy for all the children until it became a tradition. Time had seemed to fly by with all the newfound happiness of raising children in the ways of the Kamiya Kasshin style as the assistant master. By all means she should have been beyond ecstatic seeing her father's dream come true before her eyes, but she couldn't shake a feeling of foreboding. A feeling that whispered to her in dreams that he would die if he left the dojo.

She had begged him not to leave the tunnels that week, but he needed to smuggle more children to the Sekihōtai. So she loaned him her ribbon with the condition that he had to return it to her no matter what, and he laughed at her worries. Kaoru couldn't sleep with the knowledge he wasn't going to come back, and the hope that he would. That night she followed him only to watch a trap being sprung on them by the Shinsengumi, an elite squad of Kanryū's army. His teachings rang in her ears. One life is nothing compared to ten of another. She could only watch as they took her father. To charge the Shinsengumi would be suicide, and then there would be no one left to take care of the children.

Sozo and her father usually met in a predetermined area before passing children, so they could ensure the area is clear of people. The children are still in the tunnels. Kaoru does not look away as they're beaten and she does not look away as they're dragged away from her. She cannot save them, but she will not forget them. Kaoru burned it into her memories, and carved it into her heart. From now on, she is responsible for the children and she refuses to fail them as well. The following days she learned that her father was executed alongside Sozo Sagara.

Kaoru was left to raise and teach the children alone, when she was barely more than a child herself. The dreams of a ruined city started shortly after that day. Kaoru had refused to eat or move from her futon for days after that, but soon she realized it was the same as giving up what had become their dream. Even worse, she was already failing her children. She refused to give up and two orphans with talents in spells became permanent dojo residents. They had self-appointed jobs to keep up the dojo's spells. Part of living in the dojo included growing their own food and raising chickens. Heizo would occasionally trade their excess goods for bolts of cloth and other necessities. Usually she only left the tunnels to smuggle children, but Tokyo was large enough that she could maintain anonymity by dressing in her best kimono and an elaborate hairstyle. It was an easy matter from there to listen to the gossip of the area every few months or so. However, leaving the tunnels always comes with a risk, however small, that she will be discovered and be traced back to the children.

She has a growing feeling of foreboding that the safety of the children would be in jeopardy soon. Heizo has not visited for three weeks now. Sanosuke Sagara, the new captain of the Sekihōtai, has neither smuggled children out nor sent them any new children for even longer. Kaoru came back to herself with a sharp snap. She has been standing in the shadows where the tunnel meet the main room doing nothing but brooding. It will do her no good to brood on what could be or what was. Not when the children depend on her.

If she doesn't hear from Heizo by the end of the week, she'll go through one of the hidden entrances and find him herself. She let out a shaky breath and took a moment to center herself before walking into the main room. The main room was where the tunnels merged into a large dome. Dark wood lined the tunnels and ceiling of the main room. The main room's wood included several ornate pillars from the original build as well as a lighter wood for the new pillars.

Tsubame, a timid girl with brown eyes and short brown hair, was already hard at work growing the food for that morning. Tsubame's hair falls over her face as she whispers to the plants. It's mesmerising to watch green lights, similar to the yellow ones that provided the faux sunlight above, dance around the plants as they speedily grow.

Yahiko, the vertically impaired and soon to be dead loud-mouth with unruly brown hair, is busy trying to look like he's not watching Tsubame while feeding the chickens. It's with a sense of impending karmic justice that Kaoru is watching a rooster eyeball the feed bag Yahiko is holding. She watches as the rooster bobs its' head while carefully strutting behind Yahiko. It lets out a mighty squawk as it lunges for the bag. "Wha- Stupid chicken get off!" Yahiko flails before dropping the feed bag. He stares incredulously as the rooster seats itself on the bag while crowing victoriously.

The tips of his ears turn red and his eyes flash gold when he realizes both Kaoru and Tsubame have not only seen the spectacle, but are laughing. Laughing at the Great Yahiko Myojin! He scowls before crossing his arms and haughtily raising his chin. "I'm the son of a great samurai not a chicken farmer." With that he sweeps out of the room proud of his grand exit never realizing that neither Kaoru nor Tsubame have noticed his absence.

When their ribs hurt and the laughter starts to die, Kaoru looks over at the rooster to see it proudly strutting around the feed bag. She grinned at Tsubame and they dissolved into giggles again. "Tsubame, did you need help making breakfast this morning?" Before the sentence is out of her mouth, Kaoru knows what to expect. Tsubame's eyes widened in horror, and her mouth freezes in an awkward smile. "No no! It's alright. You have to teach the classes and I wouldn't want to trouble you." It's Tsubame's fidgeting fingers and the colors for horror and fear that give her away. Kaoru feels her eye starting to twitch and her fingers ache for a bokken.

Her cooking is not that bad. Sure the rice is crunchy, meat somehow turns black, and soup takes on a strange gray color but it's edible and that's all that matters. "Kokekokkoo." They're both startled into giggles when the rooster crows and continues to preen in it's victory. When the laughter started to die again, they noticed the rest of the children had gathered around them with confused looks. Kaoru herds the children into the training hall and starts them on the practice regimen. The training hall's gleaming wood reflects the children's strikes and the echo of their voices.

It's easy to fall into the rhythm of step, step, strike, twist, and repeat. However, she cannot stop her mind from wandering. Where is Heizo? Why hasn't she received communication from Sano? A sense of foreboding in her soul grows with each question, and she's growing surer by the moment that she won't like the answers.


	3. Chapter 3

She ends the session an hour earlier than usual, much to the children's joy. Kaoru vaguely registers them swarm to the bathing areas. Her mind is focused on what needs to be done before she leaves. Check that the escape routes' destination is still the coastal region of Tokugawa. Review the escape routes with Yahiko. Have Tsubame and Yahiko refresh the seals that only allow the children to reach the coastal region through the escape routes.

An unintentional whiff of something truly and horridly ghastly brings her out of those thoughts for a moment. Something has to have died or rotted somewhere around here… She tentatively sniffed again and _oh Kami_. It's firmly assured that a bath is at the very top of the day's to do list.

She needs to hurry if she wants to get her list done and have time to go into the city today. The bathing area consists of several water-filled basins and benches as well as a few larger soaking tubs. Of course the water runs out in the basins rather quickly, and the larger tubs need to be cleaned out regularly. They refill the water from the coastal region's river once a month. It's such a large chore that it takes all of them working together for three days to get it done.

A quick scrub and she dons her yukata before heading to Yahiko's room. The tunnels leading to the larger rooms are lit brighter than the smaller tunnels leading to them. A warm glow shines into the tunnel due to his shoji being open. Kaoru sees him staring intently into a bowl of water and so she hangs in the doorway. Out of all of the orphans, Tsubame and Yahiko have the strongest abilities.

Together they took down the spells from her father's time and fabricated the new spells. Now the escape routes had one destination, only the children could use them, and the lights changed with the outside. Their abilities did have a few differences. Tsubame could force plants to grow more quickly. Yahiko could see glimpses of the future in still bowls of water and often used the ability to fix what would have broken.

And…. he's still staring into the bowl. She shifts feet and sighs impatiently. This stuff takes far too long. "Oi, busu, you need to be quiet if you're going to hang out." His eyes never leave the bowl but his colors flicker with the beginnings of irritation. Kaoru guiltily smiles in his direction. After a few long moments he glances at her from the corner of his eye. "What do you want? I can't concentrate with you there." There's a strange lilt to his voice and, after a second of careful observation, she can see his colors are muted. Almost compressed as though he were trying not to feel. What on earth?

"I need to check the escape routes with you and have the two of you refresh the seals before I go into the city." Yahiko completely turns his head to stare at her with an odd expression on his face. Outrageously surprised with a dash of confusion and a tinge of horror. If she were to do something that deserved that reaction, then the closest would be if she had announced her intentions to never touch a bokken again and then proceed to run into the city naked. He stares at her for a bit more before carefully and slowly speaking to her.

"Kaoru… didn't we have this talk yesterday? Tsubame and I did that this morning before I woke you up." She can feel her smile twitch on her face and her eye feels as though it will mysteriously begin twitching as well any moment now. That little _brat_. She bites her tongue to hold back a irritated remark. Yahiko has a habit of mixing up what's already happened because of how real his visions seem. Instead of taking responsibility for his errors, he prefers to play it up to make others to feel as though they've lost their mind.

Yahiko focuses his brown eyes on her face and at that precise moment his colors brighten a touch in smug amusement. Probably due to her reaction to his drama. A sly grin spread across his face. "Oh that's right, I saw you asking yesterday. Yes it's done. You can go." He stares back into his bowl, but it barely registers to Kaoru. When he turned to face her, she had been disturbed. Kaoru had only heard the usual taunts and seen the usual surface colors this morning. Grief and despair are being compressed in his soul. His shoulders are slumped and bags with the beginnings of what are destined to be monstrous in size are under his eyes.

She doesn't move to leave and he glances at her from the corner of his eye. It's barely a moment before he speaks again in a rough voice. "Actually... Kaoru, I saw the lights go red. You made me leave with the children, and stood alone against the people that came. Then you stood in a rain of blood before falling." His fingers run along the side of the bowl. He looks at her with a blank expression, but all she can see are the bags under his eyes and colors of grief and despair. How could she have missed this?

"I keep looking but I can't see anything else." The tunnel lights turn red for invasion. So he's worried about the tunnels being found and mourning her death. She's not dead and he's already grieving her loss. "You're going to die Kaoru." Yahiko is staring at her as though this is the last time he'll see her and she's feeling numb with the shock. How did she not see this? Her mouth runs by itself. "You and the children made it out safely?"

He knocks over the bowl when he stands. The bottoms of his hakama are dark and dripping with water. "That's what you're focusing on? You're dead. **You die**." She watches him as he balls his fists and screams at her. " _You abandoned us._ " It's the way his hands are trembling and the colors that scream betrayal that forces her frozen body to cross the room and her arms to wrap around him. For a long moment he stands stiff. She almost releases him before he hugs her desperately. There's an agonizing feeling of her heart being twisted.

Yahiko doesn't sob or even make a noise. He releases her the moment his trembling subsides and refuses to look at her. She takes that as her cue to leave. He probably needs some alone time to get his thoughts back in order. His whisper stops her in the doorway. "You still die Kaoru." Kaoru replies without looking back. She doesn't want to see what colors he has in reply. "Everyone dies eventually and that's not what matters. It's how you affect others and what you do with the time you have." A heavy pause and her lips curl with a wry smile. "Don't say anything to the others. It'll only make it hurt worse if it happens."

"If? When have I ever been wrong?" She still refuses to turn around to see his colors. Doesn't want to see if she's giving him hope. Especially if it turns out to be a false hope. "You only saw me standing in a rain of blood before falling right? That's not someone dying." Kaoru stares blankly into the darker tunnels. She doesn't want to but she can feel his hope without looking. There's a buzzing in her ears as she walks back to her room and dresses in the kimono. Slowly, she twists her hair up into an acceptable hairstyle for a woman traveling alone in the city.

The thought of dying doesn't scare her. Somehow that is what makes everything worse. Because she knows what she is supposed to feel and it is not calm acceptance.


	4. Chapter 4

Ok guys help me out here. :) Are my paragraphs too large? Do I need more spacing between the paragraphs? Also if you've read this chapter before, it has several new paragraphs and an added snippet that will come up later in the story. The snippet ties up a plot hole for a future chapter.

It only takes a few minutes for her to find Tsubame in the kitchen. Tsubame is gently shaping the rice into cute shapes and she looks up with a smile that freezes on her face when she sees Kaoru. Or more specifically, sees Kaoru _in the kitchen_. "Ah! Hi Kaoru. Did you need something?" Kaoru is willing her eye not to twitch and is vaguely wondering if she had moved to stand protectively in front of the food consciously or not. As though her gaze will turn it into something inedible. Tsubame is also a smidge more devious than she is given credit for so it's very possible she had moved consciously.

Once, a new group of orphans happened to have their first meal on Kaoru's cooking day. They had been eating whatever could be scavenged on the streets and with that background, Kaoru's cooking was considered the best thing they had eaten in their lives. Unfortunately, they then refused to even try anyone else's cooking until they were moved to the Sekihōtai. It had taken months to move them, and it left Tsubame and Yahiko eating Kaoru's cooking. From that point on , Tsubame had made it a point to be the only person cooking especially on nights when new children were coming. It had been a year and things still didn't taste right to her.

"Oh, nothing much. I was thinking of helping out in the kitchen today. It's been a long time since I've done any cooking." Tsubame's eyes were wide and her face pale. Kaoru let her stew before, like the benevolent person she is, taking pity on her. "Actually, I'm letting you know that I'm headed to the city today. I should return by nightfall." If Kaoru doesn't return in time, they will evacuate for fear of her being captured and giving away their location. Tsubame frowns as she takes in Kaoru's clothing. She had been so preoccupied about Kaoru being in the kitchen that she hadn't noticed Kaoru's clothing. Which meant Kaoru had fooled her with her claims of cooking. "You… you will be safe and not draw attention to yourself?"

"Of course. This isn't the first time I've gone you know." She chewed her lip while staring at Kaoru. "Yahiko, the children, and I have already lost so much. I can barely remember my mother's face. Don't make us lose another one." Kaoru had always known, or at least suspected, that some saw her as a mother. Yahiko's vision could happen anytime, but she doesn't think it'll happen today. She ignores and plastered a smile on her face. "Tsubame, I can promise you that none of you will be losing me today." But it's possible that you will lose me sooner than you think. Her mind had finished the sentence for her. It wasn't an outright lie to not tell Tsubame. However, even as she told herself it wasn't lying, a part of her still whispered to her. 'A lie by omission is still a lie in the end.'

Tsubame's relieved smile was a double edged sword to Kaoru. Kaoru's smile slipped from her face as soon as she left the kitchen. Tsubame would have figured everything out if she had stayed any longer. She will be cautious today. Using the tunnel behind Heizo's stall would run an even larger risk that what was necessary. Especially if something had happened to him. She needs an entrance with few people that could witness her emergence. It takes quite a few minutes to walk there. The entrances were built to be as far as way from the children's rooms and escape tunnels as possible. The purpose behind this was to ensure that evacuation would be complete by the time an intruder made it to those rooms. Kaoru quickens her pace and smiles at the children she passes on her way.

Otou-san had built this place because of her. She doesn't remember how old she was or where they lived other than it being a small village. Kaoru remembers holding her father's hand and watching the soldiers dragging a man from his home. The man was a quiet sort who offered everyone a smile and occasionally offered sweets to the children. "Otou-san, why are they taking him away?" He knelt down and looked into her eyes. "He has demon blood Kaoru. Demons are evil so they're taking him away."

She glanced at the man again. The man wasn't resisting and his colors… They were sad, angry, and resigned. But a lot of people in the crowd watching had colors like that. "What makes them evil?" Otou-san's face grew grim and his lips thinned. "They have no souls Kaoru. Things without souls are evil. They're not people. They look like people, but they're not like us." Her father's colors weren't cruel, angry, or hateful like the words were. She didn't understand then, but now she realizes this was because he believed it was a fact of life. "But…. Otou-san… His colors and shape look like everyone else's." Otou-san gave her a stern look. "Kaoru, a person's skin doesn't determine their humanity." He hadn't understood her. "Not those colors. The colors that are inside here. She placed her hand over his heart. "He's sad Otou-san." That was the only time she had seen fear, horror, and guilt in her father's colors.

It was also when her father found out about her magic. A human child ddi not have magic unless they had other blood. Several tests had shown Kaoru to only be human. These facts were irreconcilable. So what was she? What kind of creature is his daughter when she shouldn't, couldn't, exist? Kaoru remembered the exact moment he realized the colors and shapes that she saw, were the souls of those in her gaze. The black lines that raced across his soul. A man who believed in not killing people. A man who taught a swordsmanship based on not killing.

The same man… who had turned a neighbor with demon blood into the authorities. She remembers waking to the sound of him retching. Kaoru remembers walking until she was outside his bedroom and staring at the closed shoji. She remembers whispered words. "What have I done? What have I done? What have I done…" A week later he took her to the city. Then he built the tunnels and made an alliance with the Sekihōtai.

The black lines became gray, but never left. Her Otou-san never healed. Kaoru groaned. She is so _stupid_ for thinking of these things before going into the city. It's like she's trying to depress herself so that she ends up not going. In front of her is the entrance to the city. She carefully moves the barrier seal to the side, and peeks through the illusion. The alley is empty of people, so she carefully edges outside. The city smells like freshly cooked food and fresh air.

Kaoru takes a moment to luxuriate in the warmth of the sun that the tunnel's lights could never replicate. The city is large enough, and has enough travelers that an unknown face won't garner attention. She walks into the main streets, and moves towards the bazaar with the crowd. There are so many colors, and she's struggling to focus on common themes that run between them. After several minutes she can see common themes in the adults. Anticipation and fear are the most prominent.

Carefully she outwardly conceals her thoughts with neutrality instead of the worried frown that keeps touching the edge of her lips. The feeling of foreboding that she had locked away is back with a fierce edge to it and with it comes a sense of panic rising in her chest. Breathe in and out. Focus on something else. Anything other than these suffocating feelings. She studies the city's buildings. The city is one structure with several homes built into its walls. The gray stones were carefully stacked in a way that made it look like a work of art. High arches and open space that matched the rise and set of the sun.

Observing these details takes her mind off the dread. She reaches the marketplace and peels away from the group she walked with. Observation promptly ceases to help when she sees the king's soldiers are stationed around the marketplace. They're newly drafted from the looks of their uniforms. The clothes are still brightly colored and freshly pressed. An increasing army would explain why the Sekihōtai were so quiet. Likely they would become more active after the army's movements became more regular. Kaoru cannot continue watching the soldiers without drawing attention to herself, so she observes the marketplace. The remains of a few merchant stalls are strewn about the center of the marketplace, and a few soldiers are going through them. Heizo's stall is among the remains. Some girls are flirting with the soldiers, and it's that moment when she has an incredibly foolish idea.

Tsubame would be terrified for her. Yahiko would be disgusted and amazed by the amount of idiocy her idea contained. Kaoru pastes a politely curious look on her face before walking up to a soldier with a small confliction in his colors caused by trying to justify this to himself. He wasn't a very tall or masculine man. In fact now that she was closer, she could see that his issued clothes were a tad baggy on his frame.

"Pardon me, but what happened to the merchants these stalls belonged to?" The soldier blinked owlishly at her before giving an unintelligibly stuttered response. A larger soldier walked over and flashed a dazzling smile at her. Kaoru watched the suspicion in his colors, and prettily pouted. "I had seen some of those paintings and was hoping to purchase one." An artist of the Sekihōtai had supplied Heizo with some of his paintings.

Heizo often spoke about how well they sold to young women. This, of course, was due to the fact they were all based off of brave and handsome young men from history. His suspicion vanished and his grin grew broad. "Well how about you eat a meal with Daigoro here, and I'll give you one of those paintings." The smaller soldier's eyes were wide. "B-but sensei-" "No buts. Now what do you say young lady? Will you do it for this one?"

He pulled a painting from the others. Kaoru did not have to fake the blush that spread all the way to her neck at the sight of this particular painting. _The man pictured needed clothes._ More than what he had on. Act the part she told herself, before reaching out and stuttering her acceptance. At least, she thought, Daigoro was redder than she.

They walked to the restaurant together with Daigoro barely able to string together a coherent sentence. She still needed to know about Heizo. Daigoro was fidgeting and staring at his plate. So she worked up guilt and worry into her expression. "Daigoro-san? I feel terribly guilty about having this art and not having paid the merchant for it. Is there a place where I could send money to the merchant?" At this, his head snapped up and his blush vanished. "Kaoru-san, I'm afraid those merchants were taken away for being blooded. They should be nearly finished with getting information about if or where any others are. There've been a few that handle the torture pretty well, so they might take a few days more… because…."

He had trailed off seeing how pale her face became. Kaoru had hoped… Well she had hoped for the impossible it seems. It seemed as though Daigoro was speaking through water with his apologies for offending her delicate sensibilities. He had no intention of telling her distressing things, and really didn't mean to say that.

"I'm sorry Daigoro-san. It was so shocking to hear about such things and my constitution wasn't able to handle that. I must offer my sincerest apologies for having to cut our outing short today." The lies came to her easily as she excused herself. She slipped back into the tunnels with the knowledge they would need to begin evacuation procedures. Even though it was late, the children were all waiting for her in the central room.

They clamored around her looking for the candies Heizo usually sent with her. Another fake smile and more lies. "I'm sorry Heizo wasn't able to send your candies this time, but I do have some good news. We're moving, so I need everyone to pack their things. Oh, and today you can keep your bokens on you instead of in the practice room." Kaoru kept her smile even when she met Yahiko's eyes across the room. Excited children murmured as they raced to their rooms. He stalked across the room and Tsubame hovered on the edges. "Evacuation?"

"There are soldiers in the city and they've taken Heizo. I don't know how long he's been in their possession or if this place will be safe for much longer. Tsubame, can you turn the lights to morning and strengthen the entrance seals from the keystone?" After that was a frenzied packing. Yahiko and Kaoru tossed everything they could into the coastal region. Tsubame hovered over the keystone making tweaks to the seals.

It's not long before they're exhausted, and they're only partially done. Oddly, it's Tsubame who speaks up. "We need to sleep. You two are barely able to move because you're so exhausted." She's right. Their arms are shaking from exhaustion, and the children keep falling asleep standing up. "Alright. Everyone takes a bokken, and we all sleep in the room closest to the escape tunnels."

The children are sleepily grinning in excitement at the prospect of a sleepover, and all that passes through her mind is the wish that they wouldn't have to grow up too fast. But not all wishes come true. She'll have to tell them about Heizo eventually, but for right now she just wants to sleep. Kaoru wonders if she should be worried that Yahiko has gone to sleep without saying a word, but she's too exhausted to think. They fall asleep in a boneless pile.

This time, Kaoru has a new dream. A dream of gold eyes and a circle of seals. The seals cause pain and she has to dismantle them. How? When she voiced the question, the seals flashed gold before showing her. It whispered to her. "One little tug here. Another tug there. See?" Yes… she saw.

And then she woke up to the seals shrieking and red lights. "Evacuate! Go now!" Tsubame's ushering children to the the escape tunnels. Yahiko is staring at her face while the children run around them. He grabbed her wrist and murmured a few words. A black seal blooms across her wrist and Kaoru gasps from pain. "I can't change what will happen, but I'll know if you survive." Her wrist burns, and Yahiko looks like a blend of grief, agony, hope, and hopelessness. His colors were too painful for her to stare at for long. "Protect them Yahiko." Kaoru runs to the keystone and pretends that this doesn't hurt. That she hasn't just shredded Yahiko's hope.

She stands in position, and listens to the children's feet fade as they run to escape. Then the soldiers come. The entrance tunnels are narrow enough that they have to enter one at a time. So she can keep up with them. Will keep up with them. Because there's more than her life at stake. Kaoru can hear her father's words being whispered to her from her memories.

 _Kaoru, I have to tell you a secret._ Her throat hurts from her battle shouts. There are at least twenty men lying unconscious and she's fighting against live steel with a bokken. _Do you know why all the seals are tied to the keystone?_ She won't win this, but she doesn't have to. She only needs to last long enough that they all get away. _If the seals remain after evacuation, then they will be able to track where you went. Even if there are safety procedures to ensure only the children can escape through it, they'll be able to break through eventually._

There are no soldiers left standing when the next batch starts coming through. A man the size of a bear is grinning when he steps into the room. He flies at her and, in some distant part of her mind, she registers that his right thumb is twisted. Within a few moments her bokken is shattered and her skull is smacked against the wall. But her fingers don't release the hilt and she slowly stands back up using the wall to brace herself.

He stops to gloat above her. "Your father was responsible for my thumb. My killing ability was greatly decreased for months. I only wish I had been his executioner." She's only listening to the whispers now. _The keystone is what can save them, but there is a cost. In the event of evacuation, someone will have to stay behind to destroy it. One for the lives of many. Do you understand Kaoru?_

I…. understand. She thinks this while watching the man's sword lift high. The last presence of her children has disappeared. They've finished evacuating. Her wrist burns. "Your life should just about cover the rest of his debt to me." Kaoru twists her wrists above her head and screams as she disarms him. "Hadome." The man stumbles for a moment, but he doesn't recover in time to stop her from slamming what's left of her hilt into his skull.

The few men that trickled in behind him are still staring in shock at his fallen body, and she takes full advantage of that to grab his weapon. Kaoru shatters the keystone with it, and the spelled lights go dark before the backup spell forces them back on. It's enough to stir the men left into action. She has no weapon, her clothes are in shreds from her close calls with the blades, and in some spots there's blood from the blades she didn't manage to avoid. Her reflection from their blades is that of a wild-eyed woman with even wilder hair dressed in bloodsoaked tattered clothes. She wins against these men as well.

Kaoru is barely standing when another soldier, an official from his clothes, walks calmly into the tunnel. A short round man who looks at her in disgust, but he's not what she's looking at. There are glowing gold eyes looking at her from the darkness of the tunnel. "I see you've managed to beat a few men. Maybe you even thought you would win." He gives her a false look of pity before turning to the tunnel with the eyes. "Demon. Capture her alive."

She had been careful to never know the name of any towns around the escape tunnel. Kaoru doesn't even know the landmarks, but she can't risk leading them to the children. Her fingers never reach the sword. The demon has already crossed the room and holds her wrists in a tight grasp. The official is prattling on, and poking at the unconscious people. Kaoru's eyes are wide as she stares at the demon. Red hair, gold eyes, and a _ring of seals at his throat_.

 _One little tug here. Another tug there._ The whispers are loud and her eyes flick to her wrists where the skin on skin contact is. The ability she had tried so hard to suppress… Kaoru allows herself a moment of regret before reaching out to his mind. _Can you hear me?_ She can feel him shudder and stares into his wide eyes. Was he supposed to be fuzzy around the edges like that?

 _I had a dream about your seal._ The whispers are becoming shouts. **One little tug here. Another tug there.** It's enough to keep her focused on it instead of the fuzzy feelings enveloping her thoughts. _I only need one hand. Will you let me try?_ Kaoru doesn't look away from his eyes because she's willing him to believe her. It hurts when his fingers tighten, but she stops herself from yelping. The official is still poking at the unconscious people, and she needs time if he'll let her do this.

The demon releases one of her hands, and she slowly reaches for his throat. _**One little tug here. Another tug there.**_ The official notices too late, and the demon's free. Kaoru's eyes are wide and she's sinking to the floor as the demon slashes through the official and the unconscious bodies. It's raining blood, and suddenly he's standing in front of her with that sword. While he's not making a move to kill her, she feels as though he's considering it.

She's too tired, too fuzzy, to muster up fear so she offers him what she thinks is a smile. He stares at her incredulously. Her wrist burns. Then everything goes dark. Damn, she hates when Yahiko's right.


	5. Chapter 5

So... feedback is good if anyone has any for me on this chapter ^^''

And thank you for your support to those that have given theirs. And a thank you for reading. Also the tidbit that was updated in the previous chapter(s)

makes an appearance in this chapter.

Unconsciousness is a heavy yet weightless feeling. It's dark and the whispers are back. _Remember the past. You must remember what happened before you met Koshijirou._ Before…. Otou-san? _Remember this life._ And so, for the second time in a long time, Kaoru dreams a new dream.

She has no name. Her earliest memory is the pain and darkness. She lives in a small brick room with bars, and the people that keep coming and hurting her. Even her magic hurts from being forced out and twisted into doing what they want. The girl is always hungry and cold. The other rooms have people, but they're blank. Colorless. It's the same as being alone.

Then one day she woke to find a new person in the cell next to her's. His eyes are dead and his colors muted, but there's now someone alive in the cells. She's not alone anymore. He ignored her the first few days, maybe weeks because it all blends into one seamless stretch of time, and she doesn't care. She talked about everything and anything that came to her mind. It made time pass by more quickly. Eventually she settled on telling him the fairy tales, myths, and folklore that she could recall.

He only responded when she tried telling the tale of Ryōmen. "It's kind of weird to name your sister Sacrifice isn't it? Of course, tales that travel by word of mouth often change a lot. I wonder if they got the name wrong..." He always sat in the shadows where she couldn't see anything other than his muted colors. However, even those muted colors, didn't provide any hints to his thoughts. "I wonder what kind of person Sacrifice would have been if she were real." His colors spiked in… She squinted. Was that irritation or grief? "She was real. She had abandoned her name when I met her…" His voice was cracking from disuse as he told her a version where the sister had run away only to wait for Tomoe. "A goddess appeared in the woods. No one else had even noticed she was there. I only found her because it was a secret spot away from the village. She waited for Tomoe to come get her, but she never came. Every day she stared into the distance with silent tears running down her face waiting for her sister."

"For many days she only cried silently. Sometime in those days, I realized she hadn't eaten even once. My family didn't have much food, but I was able to save an apple for her. She didn't react to when I tried to give her the apple. Is- Is it because I'm a demon? I promise I didn't do anything to it. She only looked at me after I said those things." Lost in the memories, he stopped speaking before raising his head.

The girl could see a glint of light flash off his eyes in the gloom as he stared at her. Observing her reaction to his story. She hadn't noticed the sting of tears in her eyes, or that she had pressed so close to the bars separating them. "What did she say?" The question slipped without her permission. He stared at her for a long moment.

"She told me why the gods were so irresistible. Why they held such power over others. A long time ago there were no lights. Everything was dark. Have you ever thought about why the gods seem like they're glowing? Why they seem to draw you in? When there were no lights, the gods guided the way for demons and humans alike. They provided them with the feelings of safety and security due to the light we exuded. It is because of that, that we hold so much power over others. I do not judge you for being what you are. What is the difference between a demon and a god anyway? Can you tell me the answer to my question? I sat in silence with her for a very long time, but I failed in giving her an answer. She noticed that the sun had set and sent me back home with the promise that I could come back to answer the question another time."

He falls silent for a long time after telling her this. "I'm too tired to keep telling you stories. And you? What do they call you little one?" She stared at him with wide eyes. "Girl." His colors flash in anger, but his words are kind. "You seem like a Kaoru to me. Do you like that name?" The girl's throat felt too tight to get words out, so she settled for nodding rapidly.

He told Kaoru many stories in the days after that. She was so happy that she cried from it many days. Never did he question her tears. Perhaps because he knew they were good tears. Kaoru had gained a friend and a name. With this in mind, even the bad people dragging her to the testing room didn't dampen her spirits. Why should they, with all that she's gained? However, all things come to an end. Including the good things. She knew it was coming from the murmurs. They murmured of transferring her and a few others to a new building for a more specialized study. The people there were known for their cruelty, but they were able to get results that pleased Kanryū. "No! Kaoru!"

The voice of Kaoru's friend echoed in her ears as the men dragged her away. She looked back to see a hand reaching through bars as though to protect her and grief in his colors. So she did the only thing she could do. She offered him a smile and yelled a promise of being friends forever. While waiting for the handoff to the next group of guards, she stared at the guard that had been in charge of their cells. He never appeared to be kind, but colors don't lie. Her friend knew, because she told him, about the silk hair ribbon her mother had given her. The blue ribbon with white birds flying away to an unknown destination, stained with grime from being unable to wash for so long, is the only thing she remembers of her mother. It was hard but she gave him the ribbon from her hair and begged him to give it to her friend with a message for her. _I promise I'll come back for my ribbon one day._ He said nothing. The guard didn't refuse, but instead, slipped it into his pocket while watching her with wolfish eyes.

Kaoru didn't remember the trip to the new facility. She doesn't remember how long she was there. Only pain, pain, pain, and _Kami_ she was tired of pain. Her next memory is of screaming, blood, and a knife. She doesn't know how she finds herself walking in the snow away from that place. The girl is wearing nothing but bloodsoaked tattered rags, and the snow stings her feet so badly she wishes she couldn't feel it. The weakness from hunger is all consuming. So she falls multiple times, but she keeps walking. Nothing will stop her from leaving that place.

She doesn't know how long she walks, but somehow she's walked to a cemetery. She stops when she finds a man kneeling at a gravestone. He looks at her with red-rimmed eyes. "My wife and child are buried here. My daughter would have been about your age…" He trails off as he takes in her dirty and starved figure. "You look like what I imagine my child would have. I won't ask you to replace my child, but I wouldn't mind having a second daughter." And, just like that, she's found a family.

Kaoru's eyes open only to see light streaming through the tree leaves. She struggles to sit up only to fall back from the feeling of her head spinning. Why does it feel like she went several rounds with a bear? Kaoru remembers her dream with a sob. Those couldn't have been her memories. Surely none of that happened. But she cannot ignore the tightness of her chest and the agony of her sorrow. Her beloved friend is probably dead now, and the thought of that rips another piece of her heart.

It takes a long time for her to stop sobbing and wrestle her pain back into control. She lays there for a while listening to the birds sing. It's so peaceful to watch the sun playfully peeking through the leaves as they sway in the breeze. It's so warm and- Wait a minute… How did she end up outside? Kaoru sits up slowly this time and notes that her wounds have been bandaged. She finds herself in a clearing instead of the tunnels. There's not much here other than the remains of a fire and the blankets wrapped around her.

There's no sound to alert her to his presence, only a vague sensation of someone being next to her. She nearly screams from surprise, but a choked squeak comes out instead. Her squeak surprises him as well. Gold eyes blink a few times and his head cocks to the side before he narrows his eyes. It's then that she notices he's holding her evacuation bags. Kaoru's voice painfully rasps as she speaks. "Did you bring those here for me?"

He says nothing as he drops the bags by her. Kaoru watches as he settles against a tree with his katana. It's pretty clear that he has no plans on moving from there anytime soon, so she turns her attention to the bags. Clothes, emergency food, hairbrush, soaps, a few cooking utensils, and some miscellaneous items. That's everything she remembers packing. Her eyes flit back over to the man. Is he planning on travelling with her, or sticking around until she's healed.

Actually, why is he here at all? His clothes are tattered to the point she's not sure they can be clothes anymore, his hair looks like a few rats had an argument over which part was to be their nest, he looks like he could use a few meals, and his soul is a tattered repressed little thing. "If you're willing to bring water and some more wood, I can cook us something to eat." He stares at her for so long that she was beginning to doubt they would be eating anything today. In swift impatient movements, he grabs the bowl and stalks off.

Kaoru uses his absence to look over her extra clothes. As much as she would love to continue wearing her sets of hakama and gi, it would draw unnecessary attention. If she's going to find her kids, she doesn't need to be attracting that kind of attention with her. Where was she going to look for the children anyway? She pulls the sets out and strokes her fingers across the weave almost unconsciously. It would be a shame to get rid of them, and the man looked about her size... Her wrist still burns with the mark. What is this thing supposed to be anyway?

She's still deep in thought when he returns. Only vaguely, does she register that he's brought the items she requested. Her motions are on autopilot as she cooks. After it's finished, she fills two bowls and passes one to the man. The man that she was coming to think of as still-silent-slightly-grumpy-man. The man who- _enjoyed her cooking?_ She stares uncomprehendingly at the bowl he's passed in her direction.

Dazedly, she refills the bowl and finishes hers while watching him eat. When he notices her stare, he looks at her questioningly. Unaware of what he had doomed himself to by eating this girl's cooking. Woman? She seems more girl than woman, but her age is definitely that of a woman. Maybe. "You… you like my cooking?" Kaoru watches him blink rapidly before nodding slowly. Obviously deciding she had a few screws loose and trying to humor her, but someone liked her cooking and she didn't _care_ if he thought she was crazy.

He _likes_ her cooking. Even the children that would only eat her cooking only liked it because they considered it safe like her. Tsubame had thought it was because they had eaten so poorly previously that it tasted like the best thing they had eaten in their lives. Kaoru knew that wasn't why they had eaten it. It was because her food was safe and easy for them to identify. Because she didn't add spices or other ingredients that could easily be something other than food.

The longer Kaoru stares at him in awestruck silence, the more disturbed he looks. She resists the urge to verbally proclaim her intentions to cook for him every day from now on. Instead she vows it to herself and shoves the clothes at him. "I won't be able to wear these anymore. They might be a little short on you, but they're better than what you're wearing now right?" His bangs shadow his expression and his soul gives away nothing. At this moment, there's nothing she despises more than that repression. Kaoru is used to knowing exactly in a person's soul with a look and this, _this_ , is offensive to her. While he spends another moment staring at the clothes, she shoves the soap and hairbrush into his arms as well.

"Well? Don't you want to be clean?" This time, irritation definitely flashes and he's glaring as he stalks off. He's kind of cute even with the grumpy silence. He likes her cooking too. It's with those thoughts that she realizes she's an idiot. Again.


	6. Chapter 6

It's been a week and Kaoru's wounds have almost finally healed enough to travel. The man has been watching over her and bringing any supplies requested. Under any other circumstances, she would be at least content with this, but that was before he committed the unforgivable act. And now? Now her fingers itch for a bokken to slam into his head. Repeatedly. He had learned how to cook. The worst part of this was that he had not only learned, but excelled.

In fact he had done nothing but that all week. Except at first. Originally he had stared off into space while watching her. Then he had taken to curiously watching her prepare meals and sew up a few rips in her clothing. Sometime in there, she had woken up to her small sewing projects done with similar stitches to hers. At first she thought she had merely forgotten doing it because of how tired she had been, but then she saw the stitches were neater than hers. To the point where she would never have known there was a tear there because they were absolutely perfect.

Then she woke to freshly prepared food being presented to her. At the first bite, Kaoru felt her face twist into a dark frown and her fingers had itched for a bokken. She had wanted to say something petulant and sulk. _How dare his cooking be better than hers when he was the only person that seemed to genuinely like her cooking?_ Her anger had mounted, but a glance at him stifled her hurt resentment. Gold eyes with a hopeful glint. A tightly bound soul with tattered edges and an edge of color that leaned towards pride and hope.

At her silence, his eyes began to darken and the edge of color faded quickly. Words flew out of her mouth before her brain caught up, and by the time it did, she had already told him how great his cooking was. In fact he should do it everyday because this is the best thing she had ever eaten in her life. Had she mentioned he was a great cook? Her brain had kicked back on in the middle of that horrifying babbling when he made a huff of amusement. At which point she promptly stuck her foot in her mouth by asking for his name.

Among humans, names are given freely. They hold no power over humans. However, amongst gods and demons, they hold power. A god can always be found. A demon's will can be bent. These are truths for those that have their full names in possession of another. A partial name only gives an absent sense of these things. Children of mixed blood had different levels of susceptibility and as a result, most refused to say their names for fear of what could happen.

To be fair, she really had only asked what to call him. He had recoiled sharply and gave her a look. Resentment, rage, hurt, and betrayal were bright in his normally dull colors. It had taken multiple tries for her to stutter out that she hadn't wanted his true name. Just something to call him other than the man. Absolute neutrality took over his colors and features as he stared at Kaoru searching for lies.

Kaoru was left staring at empty air as he disappeared without a word. She woke the next day to a bokken from her dojo laying next to her. It had taken the entire day for her to come to the conclusion that he both was and wasn't overreacting. Unwittingly, she had salted an emotional wound and she felt intensely guilty for doing it. However, Kaoru still wanted to smack him with the bokken. Repeatedly.

It was guilt that kept her in place and silent as he checked her bandages. It was also the guilt that had kept her complacently following him when he said they needed to get as far away from the city as possible. His motions seemed absent minded as though he were lost in thought. Which led to the present moment.

Kaoru stares at his red hair. It's an oddly fascinating color and it makes her think of the brightly glittering gems at the marketplace. It's badly tangled in places and looks as though he had given up halfway through brushing it. Her hakama and gi, which had been a smidge long on her, seems to fit him well. Kaoru sighs when her focus shifts back to her aching feet and increasing exhaustion.

At least, she thinks as she eyes him, the view isn't too bad. It doesn't escape her notice that he does small things like double stepping when they reach tall grass. The warm sensation of affection curls inside her and flutters start in her stomach. Which is, well… odd. Odd because she thinks an awful lot of this man who bandages, cooks, sews, and provides for her. This man who stirs affection, fluttery feelings, and a strange urge to smack him with her bokken.

She's in love with this man that she's only known for a week. It's a strange feeling, having someone care for her. Kaoru is so very used to providing for others that it's become a force of habit and it feels… almost alien. She is touched by his attempts, but desires to be the one providing for him. The same moment she realizes this, is the moment she also realizes she's laying on the ground staring at the sky. The blue, cloudless sky is so beautiful.

Kaoru takes the moment to bask in the sunlight that filters through the trees and plays across her face. Hands are stroking the bump from that time in the tunnels a week ago. She can see blurred colors for concern, worry, and jewel tones before her eyes adjust and clarity almost returns. "Ow. Wha- What just happened?" Her voice is breathy with pain as he stares into her eyes while feeling her head. "You ran into me and smacked your head in the same place as before when you fell on the ground."

Oh, but of course she did. She realizes she's in love with a man that she's only known for _a week_ , and then tries to give herself a concussion. How graceful. In fact, this has to be the most intelligent thing she's ever done _in her life_. Thank Kami that Yahiko was not here to see that. Kaoru's finding it difficult to concentrate on anything right now including the hand waving in front of her face.

She's only vaguely aware of being carried to a river, and the feeling of a cold wet cloth being gently pressed to her head. The dizzy nauseated feeling recedes after what feels like hours, and Kaoru is so tired. "You need to stay awake." His fingers are tight around her arms and she blinks slowly at him. " **You need to stay awake**. You need to concentrate on something." This is the most he's said to her all at once. Her eyes focus on his hair. "You need to brush your hair better. It's tangled."

The incredulous look is back on his face. "My hair? _That's_ what you're focused on?" His expression is contorts into something odd before it smooths into contemplation. "Will it help keep you awake if you to brush it?" She starts to nod her head vigorously and it's agony so she stops immediately.

He gives her the brush with a sense of almost amused reluctance before sitting in front of her. Kaoru picks at the knots first. When the brush catches on them he hisses through his teeth and flinches away from her, so she chooses to work at them with her fingers instead. She begins to run the brush through his hair when she finally, _finally_ , gets done detangling.

The soft shushing of the brush is a soothing noise. Kaoru has been brushing his hair unnecessarily for several minutes when she finally stops. "Okay, you're done." Even whispering those words seems far too loud after listening to the brush's sounds for so long. Kaoru frowns when he doesn't move. She leans up to stare into his face only to stop in shock. The man has fallen asleep sitting up.

Kaoru gapes at him for a few minutes before gently clasping his shoulder. "Hey, you fell asleep." His eyes flutter open and he stares at her while blinking sleepily. Kaoru squeaks as he lunges towards her, wraps his arms around her waist, and curls into her lap. Her face flushes a dark red, and she briefly considers pushing him off before considering his hair. Now that she's detangled it, she can see that he's in desperate need of a haircut.

Maybe when he's awake again… Her fingers are stroking through his hair seemingly on their own, and her eyes land on the mark Yahiko made on her wrist. What is this mark? Kaoru gently ran her fingers over the seal. Yahiko… What were you trying to tell me? Maybe if she uses her abilities on it like she did with her man the day she met him?

Kaoru pressed magic to the seal. It doesn't react, and what little bit of hope she had crumples. It's like losing the children all over again except this time, it's final. She holds her hand to her mouth to stifle the tiny noises of grief retching their way from her throat. Maybe- Maybe she needs more power. With that tiny spark of hope she tries again. The seal sparks a soft blue-green and suddenly she feels disembodied. She's speeding along a path until she comes to a halt at a beach.

Her children are there, playing in the ocean. They're laughing and giggling and they're free. Free to run around and play without worrying they're going to be discovered and taken away. Yahiko and Tsubame are watching them from further back on the beach.

Tsubame is speaking to Yahiko. "Do you- Do you think Kaoru is alive out there?" She can't see his face when Tsubame asks this question. "I saw her die. I even told her she was going to die, but I made a seal so she can find us so long if she did happen to survive. I'm never wrong, but… but this time I won't mind if she proves me wrong. If she's alive, she'll come find us. I'm sure of it." And with that, he glances back towards where Kaoru is with a sly smile. "I'm sure she'll be making her way here soon."

Kaoru is slammed back into her body without warning, and the seal is gone. But she knows where her children are. A victorious smile is plastered on her face as she looks to the south. "I'm coming."


	7. Chapter 7

Ugh, so short again. But hey! Writer's block is over.

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The man had woken up before Kaoru and was studiously ignoring her while still trying to provide for her. For days she has been allowing him to take the lead on where they're going, but now that she knows where her children are… Well her children will always come first no matter how much he makes her heart race. He's in the middle of packing their cooking utensils up when she finally gathers enough courage to speak.

"I have to go south. I can't keep going where you're going." His bangs cover his eyes, and she can see his lips thin as he stops moving. The colors flash in betrayal. She forges ahead anyway. "Well I have to get back to the children. They need me you see…" Kaoru falters when he shifts to look at her sharply. "They left you to die." The words are hissed between clenched teeth. The unsaid sits heavily between them. _They left you to die._ _ **I**_ _did not._

She stares at him trying to decipher the sudden rush of colors before they're abruptly muted. His words sound as though he's snarling at her instead of speaking. "Do what you want." With that, he's up and walking away from her. She has enough time to think that please, please let her be interpreting this correctly. "You could- you could come with me. If there's nobody waiting and you have nowhere to go, then you should." He went motionless with her first words, but seems frozen now that she's finished.

Kaoru almost crosses her fingers while waiting for him to say something. "You want me to come." The words are flat and detached, but the look in his eyes is as strange as the shade of color he has. "If you want to. I don't want you to do it if you don't want to." And with that, even his colors settle. "What's the name of where we're going?" Kaoru can feel the heat rise in her face as she's completely aware of how crazy this is going to make her sound. "I don't know what it's called, but it's on a beach. And it's south."

Three... Two... One. Yup there's his eyebrow rising to meet his forehead. He repeats her with a skeptical tone. "You don't know the name, but it's a beach in the south?" The man watches her fidget as she struggles to come up with something, _anything_ , to say to that (that wouldn't make her sound even crazier) before he sighs. "Let's go then." It's a few hours into their silent walking that he speaks again. "You don't want me to come if I don't want to?" His tone is flat. She can almost hear a faint strain of disbelief. "The idea of forcing anyone is... Disturbing. Humans, demons, gods… What's the difference anyway? I don't think it even matters in the end." The sentiments of a goddess echo across the years, and he shudders to hear it.

He watches her walk in front of him for a few moments before reaching out. Kaoru jumps as arms wrap around her from behind and his forehead presses into her shoulder. The reason he had stayed close. The reason why he had tried to care and provide for this woman was due to memory of a small waif-like girl. It takes a lot of trust to whisper a word to her. "Eshn." The whispered word is unintelligible to her and she tries to turn to look at him in question. His arms hold her fast in place and she almost struggles to turn around anyway. The man draws a shuddering breath before whispering again. "Kenshin. My name."

Kaoru's so ecstatic that her feet feel as though they're barely touching the ground. So much so, that she completely misses his reaction when she tells him her name is Kaoru. His jaw slackens, and he stares at her uncomprehending. Kenshin takes in the details that he's missed. Rare blue eyes and- And she had repeated words of a goddess from so long ago. Something only a girl who should have been long dead would have known. He had been so _sure_ that the girl was dead all this time. Kenshin stares at the woman in front of him trying to see the girl she had been. He had expected the girl to remain a girl in his memory forever.

There's a presence in the forest. Both of them go tense, but neither react fast enough when a man appears behind Kaoru. Kenshin's knuckles turn white around his sword's hilt when the man places a small dagger to Kaoru's neck. "Hello Battousai the Manslayer, Kanryū's been missing you. So much, in fact, that he's sent little ole me all the way here to look for you." The man's eyes focus on Kenshin's neck. "Ah, that explains it. A dog without a collar will eventually go wild." He smiles sinisterly. "I've always wanted to fight a wild dog, and I hear they're at their most vicious when protecting their pack. Let's see what happens if I take your woman. We'll meet at the abandoned village a mile from here. If you win, you can have your woman back." He didn't have time to draw his sword before the man disappeared with Kaoru.

Actually, that was a lie. Kenshin had hesitated because he remembered a little girl in rags with eyes that were too old. A small human girl that hadn't cared about what the other person was. He hadn't wanted to draw his sword and show Kaoru anymore blood than what he had already done. He had hesitated, and it could cost Kaoru her life. Never again he promises himself this. Never again will he hesitate. " _ **Jinei.**_ " He snarled the name. Jinei wanted a wild dog? A half-mad grin spread across Kenshin's face. _He would give him one. And then? Then, he would make it rain blood and take Kaoru back_. Kenshin would _never_ fail Kaoru, the child now woman, again.

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Kaoru wakes up from the drug induced slumber Kanryū's man had placed her under. Angry is an understatement for what she feels. The idea of being helpless sets her teeth on edge. For weeks she has been helpless, almost useless, while recovering. Anger will not help her. Carefully, she releases her anger and focuses on the reason she needs.

Her eyes slip closed as she tries to get a feel for her bonds. The rope twisted around her wrists is thin, but tight enough that she has trouble feeling her fingers. Is there something on the floor that she can use to saw through this? Slowly, she moves her partially numb fingers around the ground only to be disappointed by the lack of sharp items.

Take in surroundings. Kaoru slides her eyes open and maneuvers into a sitting position with difficulty. She's in the middle of a ruined village and it's almost dusk. Once the village had been a few small stone houses with thatch roofing. Now there are partially standing stone walls covered in black soot. The light cast upon it makes it look even more eerie. Something in her obi pokes her as she leans against a wall.

Kaoru frowns trying to think of what's in her obi. That's right, she had tucked the small knife for clothing repair into it because it kept falling out of the bags. It's wrapped a few layers in, so she'll have to dig for it. She makes a show of looking dazedly confused when she feels her captor return. Then she looks directly at him and has to force herself to stop from bodily cringing away from him.

White pupils set in blue eyes are the first thing she notices. Criss-crossed black lines with colors that screech for blood and death are second. He grins widely at her, and she continues to dig for the knife. "It's so close to time for him to come. Soon… Soon I'll get my fight." It's almost a siren's song to her as it changes from screeching to soft croonings for blood and the excitement of spilling blood upon the ground with a flick of the wrist.

He stares hard at the woods. "Kanryū was planning on getting rid of the Manslayer soon anyway. We're not even sure how long he's been in service, but he was getting slow and disobedient. Me? I could see the fight left in him." The crooning rapidly ascends to shrieking. _Blood, give me blood._ The words repeat louder until it's a single wail, and she squints trying to see an elusive color under the bloodlust. The knife drops into her hand as someone else's thoughts invade.

I want to kill, to slaughter, to see blood drip to the ground from my sword, but I wish that things could have been different. That I could have been different. The thoughts, not her own, drift through her mind as she stares. It's too loud, so she tries to startle him to break the hold they have. "Why do you want blood if you wish things could have been different?" It works to surprise him out of the bloodlust and he looks at her as though he's forgotten her presence.

Instead of asking how she knows or even showing the slightest curiosity in the colors, he stares back at the woods. "You're the woman that took in those partial blooded kids right?" He continues without waiting for a reply from her. "In my time, we didn't have a network like yours. Not one that actually worked anyway. If a person is found useful, like I was, then there's a training course… It changes a person. The obedience and control seals are slapped on after that…" He trails off and watches for Kenshin in silence. The thoughtful frown begins to edge into a more sinister smile.

"But the blood makes it all worth it. The feeling of my blade running someone through, the color shining on my blade, and even the sound it makes as it drips to the ground makes everything worth it." This time Kaoru blocks out the bloodlust, and successfully saws through the rope. Carefully she winds it through her numb fingers. "You wish it could have been different in your soul." This time he stares at her without blinking.

"We all have to accept things as they are in order to go on. I am a manslayer, and I must kill. This would be true even if I didn't love killing and the blood that comes with it. Now stop speaking of things you know nothing about." He dismisses her to wait for Kenshin in silence. Kaoru took the time to continue staring blankly at his soul. She paid no attention to the colors or the black scars upon it. Instead she found herself looking for the kind of man he would have been had he never been taken. Had he never been forced into this life.

It was an intrusion on his innermost being for her to do this, and she regretted seeing it. She began to choke on the hot tears that came. Kaoru wished Jineh could have had the opportunity to be that man. He glanced at her from the side of his eye, and she found words escaping her in a strangled whisper. "Sorry Jineh. So sorry." She watched as he misinterpreted it to be related to the conversation they had, and not as the apology for his choice being taken away and the invasion she had done.

Jineh is the first to notice Kenshin walk out of the woods purposefully. "Yes, that is the walk of a manslayer." Kenshin's rage is enough to knock the air from Kaoru's lungs, and she struggles to stop the feeling from overwhelming her. He assesses her for damage, and looks satisfied that she's unharmed. Kaoru tightens her grip on the knife in her hands as Jineh stands next to her.

" **Come Battousai, let us fight.** "


	8. Chapter 8

This actually should have been posted with the previous chapter. ^^'' whoopsie?

Ended up posting it as a new chapter because who on earth would know if I just added it onto the previous O_O

It's actually far more difficult than I thought it would be to write out a mostly incoherent dream into a coherent story. I envy those who are able to stretch the story into something enthrallingly intricate.

Thank you to those who review and those who read ^^

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Jineh tries to avoid the blood of women and children. The blood of men and those Kanryū sets him against are all he needs. Anything else, he feels, will set him on a darker path than what he's already on. If there's even such a thing as a darker path. He's used to others fearing him, and can see the woman suppress cringing on looking at him.

Probably his eyes again. Their strange coloring tends to disturb others. Jineh grins and speaks to the woman with practiced casualty woven through with bloodlust. He explains his reasoning to her without really caring. Perhaps it's because he plans on killing the Battousai in front of her. Maybe it's because he plans on releasing her afterwards to avoid the blood of a woman.

Jineh revels in the bloodlust as though it's a fine wine. "Why do you want blood if you wish things could have been different?" The question reveals more about her than what he thinks she even realizes. Is she aware of what she has given away? A human would not have known this about him.

Knowing this, he will have to turn her over to Kanryū's men. Without meaning to, he implies what happens in the dungeons. Without meaning to, he's spilt the words piled in the deepest recesses of his heart. This woman who reminds him of those who tried to save the partial blooded children so long ago. But he refuses to allow her to think him soft and verbalizes his bloodlust.

Jineh grins at the thought that this, this should be enough to terrify her. "You wish it could have been different in your soul." Damn this woman. He can't stop staring at this girl who has unwittingly damned herself. Perhaps, just this once, he'll indulge in a woman's blood. Not for his bloodlust. In fact, he'll go out of his way to spill as little of her blood as possible.

He can't help but want to spare her the horrors of those dungeons. This strange woman who has asked questions that cut at his core and damned herself in the process. "We all have to accept things as they are in order to go on. I am a manslayer, and I must kill. This would be true even if I didn't love killing and the blood that comes with it. Now stop speaking of things you know nothing about." Jineh responds to her with words that he's spoken to himself a thousand times.

He stares into the woods considering his options. Killing her will be a kindness. He'll restrict the blood flow and make it a clean death while she's unconscious. Jineh likes blood. Worships it even. But he doesn't necessarily care to see others suffering, and he doesn't plan on making this one suffer. Jineh is almost bewildered when she sobs and apologizes to him. He hadn't meant to make her cry. Jineh is almost completely uncertain how to even begin responding to the woman, so he chooses to ignore her.

Instead, he continues to contemplate her death. The only question is, does he wait for the Battousai to show up? It would be kinder for him to kill her first, but she would probably be easier to subdue if she saw him die first. He could be kind, just this once. Before he can even turn to her to put his plan in play, he sees the Manslayer emerge from the trees. Pity, he had almost made it even easier on her.

Manslayer walks with the silent unmistakable intent to murder with extreme prejudice. His face lights up with an unholy grin at the thought of blood. Jineh's ready to spill blood, and he stands in a battle-ready stance. " **Come Battousai, let us fight."**

They fly at each other. Jineh can't even lay a hit on Battousai. He tries to retaliate, and ends up defending. _Shin no Ippo._ He's breathing hard as he finishes casting the spell. Battousai bares his teeth in a faux bloody grin before snarling and shoving the spell away from himself.

The Manslayer slashes at him unmercifully. Rage fills every strike he makes at Jineh. Every move Jineh makes is to defend himself. At this rate, Jineh will lose. He backs away quickly, and throws the spell at the woman instead. Jineh had been mistaken in his assumption that the Battousai would still be weakened from what they had changed his seals to. Well not quite mistaken. The Battousai _was_ severely weakened. The problem was just that he was _still_ so much stronger even in this state.

"She'll die slowly. Painfully even." He's going off of instinct now, because he doesn't want to die. Even if life from now on makes him suffer and every day makes him wish he could claw his eyes out and rip off his arms so that he can stop being of use. Jineh will live on. He ignores the part of him that regrets what he's done to the woman. Jineh will ignore that part of him that wanted to give this woman, this woman who reminds him so of the people that he once called family by choice, a peaceful death. A kind death.

Kaoru doesn't feel like she's being strangled. Instead, it feels as though her lungs are frozen. They refuse to heed her commands to move. Even with the lack of air, she holds the rope and knife behind her back. She focuses on still feigning being tied up and trying to move her lungs. It's agony.

Kenshin's rage and lust for Jineh's blood is all too visible. Jineh is standing close to her talking to him about how messy and horrible her death will be, and Kaoru can't breathe. The moment he stands too close, she lashes out and slashes through the tendon in his sword-bearing arm. The world spins as Kenshin yanks her away from Jineh, and everything starts to go dark around the edges. The whispers reappear in her skull. _Breathe_. So she does.

To Kaoru, Jineh is looking at her as though she has betrayed him. Jineh isn't feeling betrayed by her so much as by his will to live. He staggers backward from the Manslayer before reaching for his sword with the hand that he's never used for swords. Kenshin's eyes narrow and he takes a step forward intending to rid Kaoru of this danger once and for all.

Fingers pull on his sleeve, and he is careful to keep an eye on Jineh when he glances at Kaoru. "No. You can't. Please." Kenshin's anger drains like a lanced infection. He can only stare at this woman. At Kaoru who, as a child, seemed to care about even the guards. She who now wants to show kindness to this thing who would dare harm her.

Kenshin hadn't realized that his attention had been taken hold of by her so completely. Jineh had thrust the sword into his own chest. Kaoru gasped and reaches towards him with outstretched fingers as Kenshin holds her in place with an arm around her waist. "Jineh…" Jineh begins to giggle madly as he slowly drops to the ground.

How stupid of him to end his life this way. Kaoru is struggling towards Jineh, but Kenshin's grip is firm as he looks over Jineh. Kenshin carefully assesses Jineh for any signs of danger before releasing Kaoru. There's no danger from this giggling dying thing on the ground. "Jineh?"

He stops giggling to look at her. "Can't a guy die in peace without some woman nagging him?" Kaoru's laugh was watery, and she laid her hand on his shoulder. Jineh shudders as he gags on blood. Death hurts. Everything is fading but he can hear her murmuring soft words that he couldn't quite make out.

One fact flits to the front of his mind as his life fades. _He never told her his name, and the Manslayer had never spoken it to her._

Kaoru, not for the first time, damned the ability that enabled her to see other's souls. She had forbidden herself from looking into another person's soul for a reason. It was an intrusion in the worst of ways to see who they could have been. And it was hard not to love them after seeing. Even the bad guys.

Softly, she whispered to the soul as it left his body. "May your next life be blessed." Kenshin's light tap on her shoulder broke the resistance to her emotions and she flung herself into his arms sobbing. Jineh's body lay still on the ground.


	9. Chapter 9

This is actually a short chapter on purpose. This chapter and previous are combined into one on another website since I forgot to upload the last chapter. Whoopsie!

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Queen Tomoe walks silently through her palace's corridors. Her guards footsteps are light taps behind her. Well she called him a guard, but she has adopted him as a brother. She could have adopted him as her son but there is no room for a son in her heart. Before he became her guard and brother, he had been a random mixed blood child. More god than human and accepted by neither for his… 'Impurity.'

There's no need for either of them to speak. After so many years, they're content with silence in each other's company. Many of those who are judged seem to expect her palace to be a lavish place with gems and precious silks draped in every available space. Queen Tomoe is not sorry to disappoint them with her palace, and even her throne, being cold gray stone.

She has existed long before such things became popular. The Queen remembers sleeping on dirt, grass, and stone when she and- When she first existed. She only makes an exception for her clothing, preferring the most regal appearance possible to further cement her authority. Although _why_ these souls stop trying to argue because of her appearance as opposed to her power still baffles her after all these years.

The Queen sighs as she seats herself in her throne, and her guard makes his place behind her. Another day of judging. Her sister had unwittingly increased her already immense workload by forcing her to judge humans more 'fairly' with that deal. Queen Tomoe's lips curl into a sneer. These _things_ don't deserve fair. Not like her gods and demons.

The first soul is black as though it's been coated in tar and rolled in filth. _Disgusting._ She flicks her fingers to send it to the underworld only to jerk them back when it sparks and forces her powers back. Carefully, she reaches out again to read the soul. It was a man named Jineh given a blessing by Kaoru after deciding to kill her. So… In this life she was named Kaoru.

Her sister is still stupid. She notes this grimly as she thinks of how many times Kaoru had turned down her offers to break their contract. Well, if her sister wants to think this soul is salvageable, then let's prove her wrong. Queen Tomoe touches the soul with disgust curled in abdomen, and begins to slough off the layers of pollution. Thoughts of proving her sister wrong and finally _finally_ convincing her to break the contract off held off her nausea from touching this filth.

Tomoe, Queen of the Underworld, Judge of the Damned, stares at the soul left behind. It's a little small, the shape is only slightly off when compared to others, but it's… not a bad soul. It actually looks a bit like a new soul. A child. Perhaps that's why she listened to it when it requested something other than rebirth or paradise. She watches it leave while deep in contemplation. Her guard continues to watch her silently.

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Kaoru is so tired, but she has come to a realisation. Even if she were to go to Yahiko and her children, they will never be safe from Kanryū. She wants to protect all of the children from him. Not just her own. Jineh had given her knowledge that she had already known, but never truly _known_. She, the Sekihōtai, and everyone else trying have already failed. The children have been suffering since before she was born. What arrogance, what stupidity, they had for thinking they could save the children without taking care of those that preyed on them first.

Kenshin has been watching her since she woke. He can recognize the signs of an epiphany going on in her mind. Her lips are slightly parted and her eyes are glazed but fierce. Every moment he thinks that he has her figured out, she throws him off. She felt compassion, _affection even_ , towards a manslayer who kidnapped her. Again she throws him off when her gaze of fiery determination lands on him.

She breaths his name as though he's salvation. Kaoru has missed something in all her time with Kenshin. How long has he been in service to Kanryū? Surely he would know where Kanryū kept the children captive. That's how they could start. They could begin with taking the children and smuggling them to safety using the Sekihōtai. Perhaps the Sekihōtai could detain those already under the obedience spells until she was able to remove them like she had Kenshin's.

"Kenshin. I want to go to war with Kanryū. I want to save the children. I want to bring him to his knees and destroy every obedience spell. Do you want to?" Kenshin is frozen thinking of Kanryū and the men before him. It's with a malicious grin that he agrees.

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Finding Sano wasn't difficult. All Kaoru had to do was ask about a drunken gambler wearing white that never paid for his food and his location was nearly served to her on a silver platter. A smirk spreads over her face as she stares at a sleeping Sanosuke. Forget a silver platter. _This_ is a gem encrusted gold platter, and she's going to make this count. Kenshin's colors are amused as she raises the bucket of ice water.

Sano's reaction does not disappoint her. He shrieks shrilly and dives out of the bed in a state of complete and utter panic. Exactly like a rooster. Eventually his colors start to calm and he stops to take a good look at her before paling. "Kaoru, are you dead?" This is why she assumes everyone she meets is an idiot. Kaoru's only able to stare in an attempt to not flat out call him an idiot. "Oh gods… I'm dead aren't I?" Kenshin fails to smother a quirk of his lips at the sight of Kaoru's eye twitch.

This Sano person is about to get the bokken. **Whap!** Sano's hands come to cradle his head as he begins to whine. "Kaoru _why_?" She levels him with an eye-twitching stare. "You. You are an idiot. _Do I look dead to you_? **Huh**?" Wisely, Kenshin decides to watch this development from the other side of the room. Mostly due to her shaking Sano back and forth. "Why? Why are you so stupid?"

Kenshin is in awe of Sano's ability to remain conscious. Well… Mostly conscious. When Kaoru is finally calmed, Sano has been acting like a limp ragdoll for the past twenty minutes. He eyes the limp figure. Probably not acting then. "Sano, I'm here for you as the captain of Sekihōtai. As Master of the Kamiya Dojo, I request assistance from the Sekihōtai."

Sano sits up with a serious look on his face. Kenshin is unsure what to make of this man. One moment he's sure he's acting and the next… Is he an idiot or is he just pretending? "What do you need assistance with?" She grins at Sano. "I want to raid the facilities they keep the children in, undo the obedience seals on the adults, and destroy Kanryū's control over the people." Sano's expression is blank. "Getting rid of Kanryū's control won't make people change. Some will always see the kids as a weapon. As for raiding the facilities… We don't know where they are."

Kenshin takes that as his cue to chime in on the conversation. "I know where they are." He watches as Sano's eyes focus on the hair, sword, scar, and back to the hair. His jaw drops and his eyes widen with horror. "Kaoru. Kaoru why are you with the Battousai?"


	10. Chapter 10

I'm going to pretend this isn't a short chapter.

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 _"Kaoru. Kaoru why are you with the Battousai?"_

Kaoru stares at Sano blankly. "Why are you focusing on that? We should be planning for rescuing children right now." Sano swivels his head to stare at her. "Why? You're with the Battousai, and you're asking why I _care_?" He gestures at Kenshin wildly.

"Red hair, gold eyes, and a scar across his cheek like in the stories. He's the _Battousai_. The demon that's been bound to serve the royal family since longer than anyone can remember. There's no way they would just let him run around without a purpose. How do we even know that he can be trusted and isn't under their control?" So that's what the problem is.

She gestures at Kenshin as well. "If he's under their control, then show me the control seal." While Sano studies him for the seal, Kaoru is staring at the scar. She had never paid attention to it before. Her attention was always in favor of his hair and eyes. Had it always looked that raw? "I give up. Where's the seal Kaoru?" Kenshin responds before she can open her mouth. "She destroyed it."

Sano's voice shakes in anger. "She… destroyed a seal that had been in place for at least a few centuries? Kaoru is _human_. Humans _can't_ destroy seals because _they have no magic_. So how is it that you think you'll convince me that she destroyed it?" There's only one way that he'll accept it. She's going to have to give up her secret. Again. Gently, she winds her fingers around Sano's and pushes forward the memories of what she remembers about the seal.

Kaoru shows him how dreams and whispers showed how to reverse the seal. She steps away from him when she's done. Sano doesn't handle it nearly as well as Kenshin did. Kaoru slides her fingers her bokken handle and considers beating sense into him after he stammers gibberish for a while. Maybe it'll do some good for his brain cells.

Unless she hits too hard, then he'll be even worse. So perhaps a love tap... Or five? Five sounds good. Alas, Sano regains enough of his senses to begin questioning her _just_ as she decides the appropriate number of taps. "You're human right? Completely human?" Her eyebrows raise at that. "Yes. You administered the tests yourself when you took over the Sekihōtai."

Something that has been required of everyone associated with the Sekihōtai. Checking to ensure they only speak the truth, are who and what they say, and for any seals. Sano sits back visibly thinking. Although there wasn't much to think about in Kenshin's opinion. Kaoru can speak and show things through skin contact. That's it.

"Getting rid of Kanryū would be beneficial to everyone as long as none worse than he take the throne. It won't change most things, but it could set the stage for something better." He leans back against the wall with his eyes closed for a while before speaking. "The costs will be high. A lot of people could die from this. One wrong move and everyone, even the children, are failed."

Kaoru sighs. "I know. We've failed those already in their clutches. If we keep doing what we're doing, we can only fail everyone else in the future. There's a chance if we take Kanryū and his control out of the equation, there will be more of those that share our beliefs left behind. Maybe there will be more of us than his type of people. The country will follow the majority."

Sano kept his position relaxed and his eyes closed. "That doesn't answer who will run the country in his place." Kenshin takes advantage of the tense silence to give them an answer. "Katsura, of the Ishin Shishi is still alive. They weren't strong enough to kill him, so they put him under a seal. He'll wake up if Kanryū's control is shattered."

The Ishin Shishi were those who had taken control of the original warring countries by force and made them into one country. As the head of Ishin Shishi, Katsura was credited for leading the country to the most prosperous era it had ever seen. Until a coup for power took place. Katsura was announced dead, as well as the Ishin Shishi.

"Well shit." Sano breathed the words. "Let's do this then."

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Several Months Later

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Kaoru watched Kenshin play with the children. The children had been rescued from the last facility along with an elderly doctor who's healing was beyond anything she had ever seen. Already, they were adjusting nicely. Two girls, the doctor's granddaughters in fact, were very attached to Kenshin.

Or rather, Uncle Ken. Kaoru smirked a little at the nickname. It had taken forever for him to trust people enough to tell them his name, and the children had seen his disturbance to being called Kenshin by so many people. They didn't think twice about butchering his name into Ken, and it wasn't long before it became an affectionate Uncle Ken.

A role he seemed to enjoy greatly. It was like seeing him become a new person. Sort of. The same way you see a bud become a flower. The group's swordsmith, Shakku, had given Kenshin a sword almost immediately after meeting him. A reverse-blade sword.

"I'm tired of making things to kill people, and you've got the look of someone tired of killing. If you can make use out of this scrap metal, then the world will probably be on it's way to being a better place. If you can bear the weight of fighting without killing until the blade breaks, then come see me in the forge. I'll make you a masterpiece." Shakku left for his forge after that. It was within the Sekihōtai compound, but he was a reclusive sort. Just seeing him that day was an irregularity.

Kenshin had seemed intrigued by the sword, but didn't dispose of his original until after the first facility raid. Kaoru was certainly intrigued. She went to Shakku and asked about a sword of her own. With stipulations of course. Light enough to be used by her, strong enough to withstand attackers, and without a sharpened edge so that she would never have the option of killing.

He agreed without asking her further questions, and gave her the sword without the speech he had given Kenshin. She almost felt cheated until she saw the craftsmanship was far beyond what she had expected. There were even jasmine blossoms carved into the hilt. She looked down to study the hilt again until a semi-panicked voice drew her attention back to Kenshin.

The children had tackled him to the ground for the grand punishment of tickles. A smile crossed her face at his suffering. If it could even be called that. Seeing these children made her think of her own. How much longer before she could go to them? Her fingers absentmindedly traced the lines on her wrist from the seal Yahiko had placed. It had faded until it was a mere shadow after showing her what needed to be seen.

Kenshin was healing from his time spent in the facilities, but like the seal on her wrist, he would never be completely healed. She can see it in the wariness when he gives one of his names, in the way he watches all but her for dangerous movements, and when someone tried waking him by touch instead of sound. They hadn't tried again waking him that way again.

"Kaoru-dono!" Drat, he spotted her. Sometime after joining the compound, he had taken to calling every woman dono. She loathed being called Kaoru-dono. Kaoru sighed. She was going to have to tell him the plan for the latest facility eventually. Even if she had wanted to watch him play with the children a little bit more.

He wriggled free of the children, and set them on another game before running to catch up with her. "Is it tonight?" She glanced at soft violet eyes. When had the gold eyes become violet? "Tomorrow morning. They found the facility's keystone on the rooftop, so while the main group attacks from the front, I'll be going in from the side with the secondary group."

Kenshin's eyes flashed gold as he narrowed them at her. "You say that like I'm not part of the secondary group." Yup. There's the reaction she anticipated. He didn't believe in forcing those he considered his friends to be safe and stay in the compound. Instead, he believed in fighting with them so that he had the opportunity to save them if something went wrong.

Kaoru hummed non committedly and didn't look over at him. The silence is almost deafening. Cursing Sano for making sense, she continued in a soft voice. "The elite guard is stationed at this one, Kenshin. They need you to be on the front lines with their best fighters. They need you to provide backup."

She continues walking without looking at him until he snags her wrist. "And what about you? Do you need me?" Kaoru's heart flutters into her throat as he searches her eyes. Colors of abandonment, betrayal, panic, worry, and a smidge of hope flicker at the edge of her sight. "I-" Her voice fails and she watches numbly as he closes his eyes in frustration.

It isn't until his grip loosens on her wrist and he begins to turn away that her voice finds its way back to her. "I do." Warmer colors start to edge in. "I do need you. At the front lines. Because there are too many, and if you're not there drawing their attention, they'll be looking for you on the inside. Drawing the danger to- To the secondary group." Drawing the danger to me remains unsaid.

Carefully, she tries to ignore his colors and see him instead. His lips have thinned, and he's focused on dragging her wrist into the air. Kaoru shudders as he twines their fingers together and presses his lips to the back of her hand. "Then I'll be on the front lines tomorrow." He doesn't look at her as he leaves, and she pretends it doesn't hurt.


	11. Chapter 11

Pretending isn't working. Each step to her quarters feels like it's taking far more energy than it should. He had, well not kissed, her hand but a press of the lips is certainly close. Kenshin had never done that before. Kaoru wasn't about to give him hope though. Their numbers had grown with each facility they had taken.

Most of the elite guard was forced into the position, so they had gained several excellent fighters. All of them eager for revenge. But each step they had taken was another step towards danger. Until they cut the snake's head off, she doesn't want to give him hope. Instead, she'll hope for him. Kaoru will hope they survive and raise her children together.

However, she's no fool. She can feel each seal taking its toll on her. With every seal, she comes closer to death. Her body can't handle the stress. This is why humans don't have magic. Kaoru had stopped teaching the new children her swordsmanship under the pretense of not having enough time to properly teach them.

She slipped between the sheets knowing that tomorrow she'll be one step closer to death.

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Kaoru woke before dawn and methodically pulled on her battle gear. Clothing spelled to withstand and protect. Each article protects against a different type of attack. Kaoru runs her fingers over the runes etched into her sword's blade before sheathing it.

She quietly slips down the halls, and doesn't this feel familiar? If they were made of earth, she could pretend she was back in her tunnels with her children. But now she'll be fighting to save her children and those that need to be saved. There's no room for nostalgia.

Willing herself to be stone and feel nothing, she joins the secondary group. Sano steps in front of the groups. "We all know what's at stake today. This is the last facility before we go after the palace. Everyone was briefed yesterday. Everyone knows what to do. As soon as the keystone is dismantled, Kaoru will shoot a flare from the roof. At that point back off from the people fighting. If they keep attacking, then they're not those under the seals. Those under the seals will be disoriented. The third group will deal with them. Let's move out"

Kaoru doesn't look at the red haired figure walking towards her. "Kaoru." The absence of dono has her looking in surprise. "I know both of us may die today. Or worse, one of us may die. There is a chance that we'll live through this though. So before we go, I want an answer." A bracer is shoved into her face. One of the girls, Tae she thinks, giggles.

Demons present their intended with a bracer. If the intended accepts their gift, then the two are considered married. The bracer is imbued with the gifter's soul. Meaning she'll know how he feels and snatches of his thoughts at all times. It's a one-way bond because she's human. She cannot make one for him. Or maybe she can…

Tae shoves her. "What are you waiting for Kaoru?" Her fingers disobey her and trace the bracer still in his grasp. She's almost whispering. "I could die today Kenshin" His colors are hope hope hope. "That's why I want an answer now. An honest answer."

The bracer is on her wrist without further thought and she's barraged with his emotions and colors. The sheer amount of his joy brings tears to her eyes. He grins at her before tugging her closer. Her breath catches in her throat as his lips come close to her own, but he catches himself and slides a finger over her lips. "Incentive to live." And with that, he starts to walk back to his group.

Sano speaks from his spot next to her. Apparently he had doubled back and crept to that spot to watch the gifting. "I thought you were supposed to ask permission from me first." Sano glances at Kaoru's face. Which was increasingly red. Oh, shit. " **You Bakas!"**

He looked frantically at Kenshin. "You do something! She's _your_ woman!" Kenshin merely turned a docile face with doe eyes on him. "Oro?" A wordless screech of rage escapes Kaoru and she chases both of them for several minutes.

After a few bumps on both their heads, she's feeling much calmer. Less upset with Kenshin for pulling that almost kiss stunt. In public no less. And less upset with Sano who decided that he was the head of her family without her permission.

Idiots the both of them. It'll be another hour's walk before they make it to the last facility. She'll try her best to keep her mind on the mission at hand. It lasted until Tae's smirking face popped in front of her's. "So Kaoru, when did you and Kenshin become a thing?"

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Kaoru watched as the main group attacked headon. Unlike the other facilities, this one was built almost like a tower. She can certainly understand why they would think the roof impervious to attacks. Her group moves forward at the signal. Tae steps forward and moves wall's stone into a doorway.

"Make sure yall come back now." And the doorway becomes a wall once more. It'll remain one until they come back and knock against the stone. They move up the stairs quietly. The guards left behind are easily taken out. About halfway up, they come to the rooms that are serving as the children's prison.

Kaoru whispers to the two that make up her group. "You two stay here. You'll know when to open the gates on their rooms. Escort them to Tae after that." Their eyes go wide at that. "Leaving you alone isn't part of the plan." She pushes aside her anger, knowing that they consider her a friend. "There are no guards left up there. They were here to keep the children from escaping."

They still look uneasy, but agree to stay behind. Kaoru hadn't lied to them. The guards were there to keep the children from escaping. There was still a soul's light upstairs, and trying to read it only led her to believe it was stronger than a guard.

Didn't stop her from feeling guilty as she ascended the steps onto the roof. "Well now, what have we here?" The broom headed blonde looked over at her from his seat on the keystone. "Y'know I don't care much for killing women and children. There's no fun in it. Even if the blood is still tasty." A smile lights up his face.

"But you people seem to think this'll end with Kanryū. Let me tell you. You've made my boss awful angry stirring up his plans like this." With each word he takes a step towards her until by the last one, they're circling like cats. His eyes land on her bracer.

"Huh. Not everyday you find a woman willing to belong to a demon. You know, I could probably get the boss to spare you if you wanted to be my woman instead." Kaoru snarls at him. "Go to hell." Not the most imaginative of insults, but it'll do. "Too bad then." The man begins to unwrap something from around his middle.

"I've grown real fond of that swordsmith yall have making those swords. Especially his exotic swords. Picked this one up off a corpse I killed." With those words, he grins and begins to demonstrate how the wrap is actually a sword. It's thin to the point it's flexible. The best she can do to even begin describing it to herself is a sharp whip.

He flicks it in her direction and she dodges perfectly. At least, she thought she did. At the last second, it extended and slashed across her side. Her hand is shaking from adrenaline as it presses against her side trying to stifle the blood flow. "Y'know it's not too late to reconsider my offer."

Kaoru's losing too much blood and her vision is growing darker. He frowns at her as she runs at him. Even has the nerve to sigh before flicking the sword at her. She blocks it from her right, knowing it's about to curl around and slice her in half. At the last moment she ducks down and rolls up in front of him.

With a single touch, she's inside of his soul. Her instinct is to rip his soul from body. No killing. Instead she severs the connection that allows him to move his body. Perhaps it can be considered worse than death, but she's kept her oath to not kill. Drunkenly, she stumbles to the keystone. It took more out of her than she thought to invade broom-head's soul.

Kaoru collapses four times on her way to the keystone. The fourth, she lays there in a daze. What was she doing again? A sense of worry. A few thoughts of what is taking so long? She should be done by now… Where was that coming from?

Her eyes focus on the bracer. Kenshin… That's right. He's in danger until something is destroyed. The seals. Keystone. All of her energy goes into reaching the keystone. And then she presses more than what she has into breaking the master seal for this facility. As soon as it shatters, she presses the trigger on the flare. This time, she welcomed the unconsciousness.

Vague thoughts and sensations passed through to her consciousness. People crying with joy. Several people frantically worried, but only one stands out. "Dr. Gensai, you have to do something please. Please." A weary voice. "I've done all I can. Her body was already failing when she went into this." The voices were outraged all at once talking over each other.

Eventually, silence and the sensation of floating away filled her.

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"Sister, we will always be together. We can share a name even. We'll be Ryōmen." The woman speaking to her has dark eyes, dark hair, and an expressionless face. Kaoru knows better. The woman can't express through her face, but through her eyes. Everything is clear through them. Sister loves her very much. And if sister's eyes failed her, then Kaoru could look at her soul. "Yes. Together forever. Even in name." And Kaoru smiles for both of them.

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"I've met someone. He asked me to be his wife. I think- I think he understands me. I've never been so happy. My name is Tomoe now." The shock is numbing Kaoru's insides. "What are you saying?" A smile. An actual smile is on her sister's, Tomoe's, face. "Oh, sister, I love him so much." Tomoe's eyes, however, are unfeeling. "He's human. He won't live long so I've got to savor every moment with him. You can visit us though."

The betrayal stings so much. "We are no longer Ryōmen. Instead I have no name and no sister." Nameless ran from the woman. That woman Tomoe.

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Nameless watched Tomoe with a man. She watched as they lived happily. The man did understand Tomoe. That her face never reflected her joy and hopes. And she watched how Tomoe glanced less and less to the mountain Nameless disappeared on. Until she never looked at all.

Somehow, that was more than a betrayal.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Nameless spent years, possibly centuries, sobbing on this rock. Some even said the river was made from her tears. A small child interrupted her self pity with a small gift. And the child responded to her refusal with wide eyes and a trembling mouth.

She had taken a moment to actually look at the child then. A child who children refused to play with because of what he is. Thin, from lack of food, and bruised. Possibly from those same children.

Nameless used that moment to give the child a small secret. Secret only because none had noticed, and those that did had died from old age long ago. In him, there was a lack of hate. That's ok. She can hate for him.

And so, she did.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Humans had destroyed her relationship with her sister, and created a woman named Tomoe. They wrecked everything in their path. Destroyed forests to create homes. She disguised herself as one of them and crept into a village.

This was to prove it to herself that these humans are as disgusting as she knows them to be, and to finally shut up that small part of her that called herself a liar. Instead of monsters, she finds people with the same shaped souls as her fellow gods and demons.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

She came to Tomoe's village to follow through on that visit only to find ruins of a burnt husk.

 _He's human. He won't live long so I've got to savor every moment with him. You can visit us though._

Those years of sobbing. Tomoe's husband had surely been long dead. Then why did sister not come for her? Nameless asked the locals for the story of the burnt ruins. "A goddess destroyed the family of Akira, her husband, after they had him killed. Or so the legend says. It was so long ago, that nobody alive remembers the story anymore."

Her sister is gone.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Nameless has spent years with fellow gods. Looking for even the slightest scrap of news about her sister. There are whispers, and they send chills down her back. _Queen Tomoe who sends all humans to hell. Only gods and demons are good enough for her. Even the mixed bloods are sent to purgatory as a punishment. At least they have a chance for redemption._ _ **Humans don't even get that.**_

It's easier than she thought to find the entrance to the underworld.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Hate reflects in Queen Tomoe's eyes and soul as she declares humans worthless. Disgust shows as she looks upon Nameless. In desperation, Nameless strikes a deal. It's her fault too. She had left her sister to her fate instead of watching over her. That's why Tomoe hates her.

"Well what should I call you then since you struck a bargain with me?" Tomoe sneers at her. "I have neither sister nor name. Call me what you wish." Nameless almost hates herself when she sees the horror of Queen Tomoe. If only she had realized Tomoe didn't recognize her. Although, even then, she probably wouldn't have known her.

Tomoe whispers. "Sacrifice. Because had I not hated you for trying to save humans, I would have known you."

The legend that follows their encounter fails to mention Tomoe's sobbing. The way her eyes and soul screamed and begged Sacrifice to break the deal only for her lips to betray her. Not a single word of it crossed Tomoe's lips.

Queen Tomoe's guard watched silently in the background.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A thousand deaths, Tomoe's soul begged for Sacrifice to stop.

Sacrifice could never stop. Not when she knew the alternative was for Tomoe to continue sending them to hell. The woman may have wanted to break the deal, but there was still an unparalleled hatred for humans.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Whispers from herself. _Do you understand who we are now? We must do what we can to protect them._

And with that, she has access to all of her abilities from when she was a goddess.

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She's still unconscious when she hears Kenshin whisper. "I have to go now. We're taking Kanryū's palace today." A kiss is brushed across her temple, and the words that follow are almost sobbed. "Incentive to live."

Hours later, she's fully conscious and armed with knowledge of what needs to be done. She will die. She always does. But she will be back. A flick of her wrist summons the portal to the palace Kenshin's fighting at. Ryōmen, Nameless, Sacrifice, Kaoru steps through.

Each step feels like knives are stabbing into every inch of her body, but the battlefield goes silent as she walks by. Seals dissolving from her mere presence. The enemies that aren't under seal find themselves bound to the ground by vines twisting around their bodies. Shifting them into harmless positions.

Everyone in the palace is silent as well. It's at the very top that she finds Kanryū. He's giggling madly. "I'm all powerful. I control everything and everyone with a touch of a seal." And she allows him to slap a seal on her. Almost immediately the light radiating from her dims and some of those that she hadn't even realized followed her cried out for her.

"Is this everything you have to offer me?" He looks dumbstruck. "You're at my mercy what more did you want? I can take all of the power you have and use it for myself." Kaoru smiles darkly at him before hissing her reply. "Go ahead then."

She can feel his astonishment as much as see it in his colors. He reaches for it and greedily tugs as much as he can into his body. It's not long before he starts shrieking in pain. "It burns! It burns!" She grabs him before he jumps from the window in his desperation to end the pain.

"You wanted power. Take it." She shoves everything into his body and isn't surprised when he burns away into a hollow husk. A touch on the seal still marking the husk, and she destroys every seal in the country.

She's not sure how or when she ends up on the floor, but Kenshin's there quickly and lifting her in his arms. The blood is choking her. "Please Kaoru please don't leave me." His lips press to her bloody ones, and she can only choke on more of her own blood. How can she even begin to say what she needs to say to him?

Her eyes land on the bracer, and a quick tug of magic makes it a two-way connection. "Ryōmen. Nameless. Sacrifice. Kaoru. Say it." Their voices will only go through this connection to each other. "Pleas-" As sternly as she can she cuts him off. "Say it." He shudders as he repeats. "Ryōmen. Nameless. Sacrifice. Kaoru." Kaoru smiles at him as she drifts off into death. "Love you Kenshin. No matter what life." And as she slips away she can hear him.

"Shinta. Kenshin Himura. I love you." The echoes of his agony follow her.

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I am so tempted to end it here. You guys just have no idea how badly :P


	12. Chapter 12

Alrighty then. I've cackled enough. Let the story begin! Again.

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It was with a growing sense of dread, nausea, and horror that Tomoe summoned souls individually from hell. Another. Another. _Another._ Sloughing off the pollution from each one showed small souls that would have looked new… Had it not been for the years in hell. Each one was crossed with streaks of black.

Damaged by her. She can't even begin to deny her involvement because she can _feel_ what was caused by hell. At a certain point, her fingers began trembling with her horror. 'Akira.' Queen Tomoe thinks of the name of her beloved. Normally that is all it takes to summon a soul.

She isn't disappointed when his soul doesn't appear because it has never appeared. Not once has his soul appeared before her. Her sigh never escapes her lips as she deflates. There was never hope beyond that small shred that seemed to shrink each time she failed. The guard's disapproving stare is hot on her back when she continues summoning souls from hell. Each one is put to sleep for the damage to heal.

A shudder rips through her frame. Sacrifice is dead. Again. Queen Tomoe waits for the soft light of her once sister's soul to come to her. There, she thinks. Her eyes glued to a corridor for the glimpse of Sacrifice's soul. As usual her features didn't react, but bile rose in her throat at the sight of slashed black lines through the soul.

"As per our agreement, the contract is temporarily suspended while you rest. You're very close to shattering Sacrifice." Tomoe has long since been used to the monotone of her voice. The soul's light flashes, and Tomoe tries to not react. "The-" She clears her throat. "The contract would allow that, but I highly recommend…" Tomoe's voice trails off when the flashes become passionate.

"Very well. Go." Again, she is unable and powerless to say the words that have choked her for so long. Again, she watches Sacrifice's soul fly off. Only this time… Queen Tomoe's struggling to breathe past the lump in her throat. Her guard shifts behind her, sensing something is off in her behavior.

Finally, Tomoe reacts in the way she has wanted to since the beginning of her life. With unrestrained emotions. She shrieks and screams at the top of her lungs. It doesn't feel like enough and she throws her throne across the room until it shatters upon impact with the palace walls. Her limbs grow weak after she pounds her fists on the floor and wails wordlessly.

It's only after she quiets into silent sobs that her guard approaches her. Carefully, he draws her into his arms and presses his face to her hair. How much more loss would she have to bear? First her husband, and then… Now her sister. Her sister that she abandoned so long ago will not return. She has seen the damage.

And now, she must live with the knowledge that she is responsible for damaging countless souls as well as the murder of her sister. Because that's what this is. What it has been since the beginning. A murder of the upstart goddess who would dare accuse her of being wrong.

"I never wanted this Enishi. Never." Wordlessly, he smooths his hand over her hair. He watches her fall asleep in his arms. So long ago this angry goddess had accepted him into her service when he came seeking death. Eventually he had come to see her as a mother. One that he had always wished for.

He spent every day thinking of how he would protect her and provide the way for what she wanted. As she slept, he silently promised her that he would obtain revenge for her. After all, it would fit with his plans nicely. With that thought, a malicious grin spread on his face.

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It had taken several men to remove Kaoru's body from Kenshin's arms. His failure weighed heavily on him. Again he had failed to protect her. His beloved Kaoru.

"We'll give her a funeral fit for a queen tomorrow." Sano's hand squeezes Kenshin's shoulder tight for a moment before releasing him. "She was happy. In the end. It's more than anyone else could have done for her." Sensing Kenshin's need to be alone, Sano steps away and clears the room. He takes Kaoru's body with him to prepare for her burial.

Kenshin is still slumped on the floor staring at where Kaoru's body had been in his arms. This morning already felt so long ago. So long ago they had been promised to each other. Now she's dead and he's alone again. Instead of shedding more tears or making noises of agony, his fingers twist in his hakama.

He cannot bear to see them lower her body into the ground. Cannot bear the finality. So instead he slips from the room and wanders aimlessly.

His fingers caress the bracer he had carved for her. It had taken months of careful carving. Dimly, he hears Sano's shouts for Kenshin to come back, but they don't know where he's gone. Kenshin cannot face those that had considered themselves Kaoru's family. He just wants… to fade and be with Kaoru.

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Sanosuke had taken months to search for Kaoru's children. They deserved to know. The rest of his group took those months to awaken Katsura who, in turn, took control of the lands again. The land slowly healed with Katsura in charge.

Soon demons and mixed children were welcome again. Those who acted out against them were severely punished. It wasn't perfect, but… It was better. Sanosuke wished Kaoru was able to see the fruits of her labor. What she accomplished even though she had passed away was astounding.

But more than that, he missed his little sister. It was for her sake that he tracked down Kenshin. It was a small village of people that couldn't cope with the changes. Mainly, those who were terrified that all of the kindness was a lure to get all of their kind out in the open so they could finally exterminate them all. "Get up. Jou-chan would never have wanted this Kenshin." He had considered that to be rather kind for a beginning.

Kenshin didn't react. Just stared into space with those dead eyes. Sanosuke couldn't remember what he said after that, but he definitely remembers hitting Kenshin in the face and his final words. "Fine. You rot here. Why would you care about what Kaoru wanted anyway?"

Kenshin didn't move when Sanosuke walked away from him.

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Yahiko was the next to try. He had heard whispers of the Manslayer his entire life, and it's hard to get over what should probably be a very reasonable fear in order to meet this Kenshin. Sanosuke refused to speak of him.

He had only found out about the man's existence because of the old swordsmith that let it slip around Tsubame. Yahiko found his courage with a single thought. If Kaoru loved him, then he is a good person. Tsubame hadn't protested when he told her of his plan to confront Kenshin. "Bring him to us. Kaoru was our family as much as she was his family. Now, we have only each other. He just doesn't know he needs us like we need him now."

After a week of travel, Yahiko finds himself kneeling respectfully in front of Kenshin. Kenshin is not what he expected. A slight, almost feminine, male that was slumped against the wall of this destitute village. He suspects that he wouldn't have been allowed in this village if it wasn't for his mixed blood.

It's strange to be thankful for his heritage for once. He doesn't know what to say after introducing himself. "I am -was- Kaoru's best student. I never finished learning the succession techniques. She was pretty determined that we all know how to protect ourselves without harming others." Yahiko continues in that vein for a while.

Speaking only of Kaoru and what she had done for them and demanded of them. A few hours pass before Kenshin finally speaks to him. "Why are you here?" Yahiko jumps back at the question. He pauses to parse the question for a while before recalling Tsubame's words. "Kaoru treated all of us like family until we started to see her as our family. She was your family too. We need you to help us learn what she had tried teaching us, and you need us."

Kenshin still looks off into a distance that doesn't exist and his response is monotone. "Why would I need you?" Leaning forward, Yahiko tries to catch his eye. "Because we're family. We're not alone anymore. Kaoru did that. She did it for all of us."

His eyes finally meet Yahiko, and Yahiko feels as though he's made a mistake. "I am tired. I'm ready to die. Leave me be." He doesn't respond to Kenshin other than to leave. Kenshin's eyes were those of a man without his soul. Maybe Sano was right. There was nothing left of the Kenshin that Kaoru had loved.

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Kenshin's fingers tightened around his sword. He had failed Kaoru. Except… Kaoru wanted to save the children and they were alive. He was alone. If he didn't count Kaoru's children as ones that would have been his after their ceremony.

After realisation struck, he shakily rose from his position against the wall, and headed towards the Sekihōtai's compound. Kaoru had left him a purpose and a family. He would not shame her memory by refusing her.

A few months later, he's playing with the children when a compulsion comes over him. A terrified horror comes over him as his body responds to the command. "Ryōmen. Nameless. Sacrifice. Kaoru." The words come from him without permission, and he freezes when he senses a presence far away. And then it vanishes and reappears before him quickly. Kenshin drops to the ground shaking with joy.

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The soul fluttered through the palace rooms looking for something. Eventually, it comes across a room draped in silks with a small body lain upon a bed in the center of the room. The soul pauses to look at the body and notes it's trimmed nails and the silken, freshly combed hair. The body's chest moves with each breath, and during an exhale, the soul sinks into its chest.

Her eyes flutter open, and she carefully moves into a seated position. The woman's hair brushes against the floor as she attempts walking. Even though the body has been asleep for so long, the muscles haven't atrophied. She flicks her wrist and reappears in Tokugawa.

"Shinta. Himura Kenshin. Say my name." For a moment, there is silence. And then, there is the tingle that comes with someone saying the name of a goddess. Kaoru grins.


	13. Chapter 13

A mini-chapter to tide you guys over while I rewrite the other chapters.

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Kaoru thinks about Tomoe while waiting for Kenshin. Kaoru was old. Older than Tomoe, and far older than any other that still walked the earth. The earth had been dark at that time, except the constant lava flows. She had been alone in the world for a very long time, and she had her body had begun to glow as she aged. By the time there had been others walking the earth with her, the light coming from her was so bright that none could bear to look upon her.

So she secluded herself on a mountaintop and contented herself with watching the colors below. As the others that walked the earth had come into being, she had watched to learn their behaviors. Humans, gods, and demons were the three groups that continued to exist in an almost symbiotic relationship. Gods would emit light and the humans would flock to them for the chance to be in the light.

However, the gods were nothing like Kaoru. They could turn off their light. They had to turn off their light or they disintegrated from the effort to keep the light. So they appeared to make deals with demons. The gods would provide light, humans would grow food, and demons would protect them from what lurked in the dark when the light went out.

The largest settlement was at the base of her mountain. Her light was so bright that they never experienced the dark once they entered her realm. She would watch them through pools of water, and was delighted with what she saw. All three groups were living in harmony even with the balance skewed by her light. Watching the other groups had mixed results.

Sometimes there was peace. Other times gods proclaimed themselves superior and grouped together to keep constant light. Sometimes humans did it as well with light created from fires. She even saw raiding parties of demons stealing from others. There is a type of balance that existed in the world, she realized.

Eventually, she realized something else. If she is light, then there must be a darkness that matches her. So, she waited. For so many years, she waited for the darkness to find her. Her other half. Her… sister. The idea of a sister resonated with her core. Kaoru's light felt like it was burning her from the inside out by the time her sister had come.

Darkness came in the form of a woman with white skin, black eyes, and even darker hair. "I've come to seek permission to stay in your realm." Kaoru had nearly fallen over when she realized the woman was looking at her light. The woman was able to look at her. "Yes sister, you can stay. Yes a thousand times."

She hadn't been able to stop herself from hugging the woman. Kaoru hadn't known what the colors meant, but even she could understand that it was surprise on her sister's face. Her sister stayed with her for a long time. She seemed content to be near Kaoru, and didn't speak much or show a lot of interest in the pools that fascinated Kaoru. "Ryōmen." She whispered to Kaoru.

"Ryōmen?" For the first time, her sister had a faint smile. "Us. Sisters. We are Ryōmen." So clearly now, Kaoru remembered the elation that rose within her. "Yes, sister. We are Ryōmen now."

She sighs and leans against a tree. Still, she waits for Kenshin but she can't stop herself from thinking about the past. Kaoru had been able to forget the pain of her light tearing her apart for a little while, but she wanted more time with her sister. She had a thought of making lights in the sky instead so that there was no longer a need for lights. It would give her more time and have the added benefit of providing light so others no longer needed to strain themselves trying to provide eternal light.

Her sister was on board almost immediately. In retrospect, Kaoru isn't sure she understood what was going to happen. After they woke up, Kaoru had wandered the earth for what felt like just a short while looking to see if what they had done had positive effects in the world. When she came back home, her sister had moved on to love a human man. "I love Akira, Kaoru. We will still see each other sometimes."

Sometimes had turned into months. Months turned into years, and then one day… One day she heard her sister refer to herself as Tomoe. "I have no sister. I am no longer Ryōmen." That's what Kaoru had told them before she left. Later she found out her sister became the Queen of the Underworld. A cruel queen with hate in her heart. Tears slip through Kaoru's closed eyes. She regrets.


End file.
